Tuesday, August 14, 2007

"Woe is Me" Post

My husband, he's not much of a planner. Nor is he a spur of the moment kind of guy. My husband suffers from severe inertia. I knew it when I married him, and while it has gotten better than when we first got together, it's nowhere near as improved as I'd hoped it would be.

I'm turning thirty in three days. Everyone has been asking me for months what I'm going to do to celebrate, and honestly, I didn't know. I mean, I could throw a party, but who wants to throw themselves a birthday party? Add to that all the money for food and booze, the time... It's just too much to do. I want to enjoy my birthday, not slave over it.

I could go somewhere, but where? I'd have to pick a place, save the money, do all the planning... again, too much work. I just want to be able to enjoy this important milestone.

I had been thinking that maybe doing something really big, like skydiving, would be a great way to commemmorate thirty. I've actually been talking about it for a few years now, but then I have to plan it, coordinate it, blah blah blah.

Of course, it was pointed out that my husband could do one of these things for me. Well, maybe some husbands could, but not my husband. Either he'd start it and I'd have to finish it up or do all the work on it, or even more likely, he would talk about it and nothing would get done. Sure, there's a little part inside of me that was like, hey, maybe he will surprise me this year! But then again, if you don't get your hopes up, you don't get dissappointed, right?

My best friend's boyfriend turned thirty two months ago. My best friend is a smart girl, and she knows that a thirtieth birthday is a big deal. She went all out to make him feel as special as possible. She left him little gifts every day of the week leading up to his birthday. She planned a big birthday party with food, a keg, cupcakes (provided by yours truly), a pinata, and a Disney Cars theme because he is really into cars and she thought he would like that. She took him out for a romantic dinner at a very nice restaurant, the kind of place where you need to make reservations ahead of time and she specially preordered the dessert so it would have a personalized message. He told her she should own a little black dress, so she shopped for weeks to find the perfect one. He thought she looked good in heels, so even though she prefers flip flops, she went out and got the sexiest pair she could find. She put so much thought, time, and creativity into making sure his thirtieth birthday would be one that he never forgot.

This gave me a little bit of hope. Maybe he would see what a big deal this really was. Maybe seeing all that she did would inspire him to plan something for me, anything, just something more than nothing, you know?

Well, if you read what I posted before this, you know that he did plan something:

a hot weekend of fantasy football.

Now, I dont' begrudge my husband the fantasy football. I like that it's something close to a hobby that he can enjoy, and it gets him to be more social, unlike his other hobbies of playing video games and watching TV.

The thing is, he was told the date THREE WEEKS AGO and he didn't think of saying, whoa guys, my wife is turning thirty that weekend, can we do it another day? I mean, these guys are mostly guys I know and have known for years and who I think reasonably like me, after all. But now?

It's THREE DAYS before! They can't reschedule! The whole group has made plans around this. I'm not telling my husband he can't go either. I'm not going to be feeling all guilty for taking away his one social acitivty on top of being mad that's where he really wanted to be in the first place.

So basically, if I want to go out or do anything for my birthday, I have to plan it myself. I have to pick the restaurant, I have to call to make reservations, I have to invite people. I'm the one who had to organize going to brunch on Sunday, because I didn't want to wait until the very last second.

There was no, oh, I have something special planned for Friday night! It was more, well, it's not like I didn't think about it, I arranged for your friend to keep you company on Saturday, and I took Friday off of work so I could plan something. YOU CAN'T PLAN THE DAY OF!!!! That is NOT planning!

I am so angry, and so frustrated, but most of all, I'm hurt. I cried all night and didn't get to sleep until after three in the morning. I kept getting teary at work and had to tell people I thought I was coming down with a cold. When the rooms manager said I looked like I needed a hug and hugged me, and I just lost it and confessed everything. I started to tear up again when I got in the car to go home, and I sobbed all the way here. I'm sitting here crying and typing.

The worst part?

I've been at my job officially (I started as a temp) for three months. There are 175 employees in our hotel. Not only did I win Employee of the Month after such a short tenure, I beat out two people who had been there for over 20 years.

And I couldn't enjoy it the way I should have.

Happy Birthday to Me.


Blogger melissa said...

oh I'm so sorry girl, reading this broke my heart. your husband sounds like my step dad, I always end up planning things for my moms birthday becuase it seems as if he could care less. (((hugs)))

and HAPPY HAPPY belated birthday to you-you are a hot 30 ;)

and congrats to you on employee of the month!-that is so awesome, you should definitely celebrate your success.

12:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This sounds all too familiar! My birthday is a national freaking holiday (4th of July) know what I did?? We had a bbq on the 1st, I invited my friends, I shopped for it, I got out the tables, decor, grill, he invited his friends from work that I was never introduced too as they said Hello while walking up my driveway. They brought him beer, no gifts for me, probably didnt even know it was my party! What did he do?? Cooked the burgers, and entertained the one guy that wouldnt leave til after 9pm. Fun times for me! NOT!

5:30 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

Photobucket Photobucket

©2008 Sara Madrigal Fehling. All rights reserved.

Please do not take my photos without permission.

Contact me! sara.fehling@gmail.com

Related Posts with Thumbnails