Death of a Friendship - v2.0?

Have you ever loved someone who was an addict?

Here's the thing about addicts - they know they have a problem but refuse to admit it. Even if they do admit that there is a problem, it usually ends up not being their own fault. It's the fault of whatever they're addicted to, daddy issues, a mom who drives them crazy, a stressful job, life in general... just never the addict themselves. They refuse to take any responsibility for their own self destructive behavior.

If you've ever loved or cared about someone who exhibited repeated self destructive behavior, you know how hard it can be. You have to sit by and listen to them bemoan their lives without them ever admitting that their problems stem from their own choices. You have to sit by and watch them make the same mistakes and cause themselves the same hurts over and over again. You want to speak up, and you want to show them what everyone else is seeing except them, and you want to save them, but if you say anything you risk being banished from their lives forever.

I loved an addict. What was she addicted to? A man. They've been dating for four years, and have broken up and gotten back together again nearly a dozen times. It's like he has a handbook on how to be a bad boyfriend and consults it on a regular basis. Gets in bad moods for no reason and takes it out on her? Check. Cheated on her? Check. Gave her STDs? Check. Forgot birthdays? Check. Picked up a BRIDAL Victoria's Secret gift card at the last minute on the way to her house to celebrate her birthday and didn't even bother to fill out the card or put it in the envelope? Check. Decided to become a woman? Check. Lies to her repeatedly about EVERYTHING, whether the issue is big or small? Check. Declares that he needs to be alone and tells her to get her shit and go home but then later goes out with his friends? Check. Hits on other people right in front of her? Check.

The list goes on and on.

Now, does he beat her or otherwise abuse her? No. But the thing is, as much as I love the guy and think he's a great person to have as a friend, he's horrid at being in a relationship. He's all about him, what he wants, what he needs to be happy. He doesn't take her thoughts or feelings into consideration about things so they fight all the time. Hence, the breaking up.

Every time they break up she talks a good game. Oh, she'll never get back together with him EVER and she's just not going to speak to him because that will make it harder to stay apart. She draws lines in the sand (drugs are deal breakers, cheating is a deal breaker, cheating with a man is a deal breaker, getting a sex change is a deal breaker, etc etc) over and over again, but he just laughs as he steps over them and waits for her to draw a new one.

She's beautiful, and smart, and lots of fun to be with, but she keeps putting up with his crap because she's scared to be alone, she has Daddy issues, he provides an escape from home and work, etc etc etc. Over and over I would hear "Can I do this?" and "Can I spend the rest of my life like this?" and "Do you think he will change?"

As a friend, how long do you sit back and say nothing? How long do you watch someone waste their life waiting for someone to give them a marriage proposal and children when you know it's never going to happen? How long do you lie to yourself and say you're being supportive, when in reality what you're doing is enabling her bad judgement and doing your friend a disservice?

So the latest thing with the bad boyfriend is that he sold his condo and is moving into his mom's house. Fine. She's pissed about it, which I think isn't fair to him at all seeing as how she lives with HER mom, you know? I just keep hearing whining about how they'll never see each other and how she will NOT be staying the night there EVER and he better forget that idea because IT'S NOT HAPPENING.

Um, yeah... I've heard that line before. Only thing is, this time I said something to that effect.

Well, the shit hit the fan, let me tell you. Long story short, we got into a big argument and she said she didn't want to talk to me anymore about it, so I went to bed. Things pretty much should have ended there.

Here's the thing though - unlike a normal adult, this over 30 so she should know better woman went on Facebook and was talking smack about me in a status message!!! Seriously, are we fourteen? Oh, and it gets better. See, this isn't the first time she's done this. At the beginning of last year we got into an argument and she did the same thing, only on mySpace. That was the straw that broke the camel's back and led to us not speaking for almost a year. She finally came to me last January crying about how it was the biggest mistake she ever made, could I forgive her, yadayadayada.

Obviously, as evidenced by the boyfriend issues, the girl does not learn from her mistakes.

I, however, do. I'm too old to be dealing with this crap. If you're too immature to realize that friends aren't just supposed to blindly support you, but also be there for you to take care of you and warn you about potholes in the road of life, you don't deserve to be my friend. If you can't have a difference of opinion without having to run to the current social media craze to make underhanded comments about me much like a high schooler would, I don't need you as a friend. If you're too stupid to realize that you once again threw the only person who had your back in every situation, even if you are too blind to see that is what really happened here, then you can just be alone. Forever. Fine by me!

Last time this happened, I cried. I cried for days. I mourned the loss of a friend. Today, I celebrate not having the dead weight in my life. I look back at our friendship and I see now that's what she was. Not all of the time, but for a good portion of the time.

Real friends don't go weeks without seeing each other due to claims of being "too busy" or "too tired" when in reality they are driving past your home several times a week to spend time with their deadbeat boyfriends.

Real friends don't spend the little time you do have hanging out together ignoring you and texting the deadbeat boyfriend.

Real friends appreciate the time and effort you put into thinking of them and their happiness, and acknowledge that even though your life is different, it is just as stressful and busy and IMPORTANT as theirs.

Real friends don't make plans to come over for dinner and then not call or email or text so that you end up having to call them and they tell you "Oh, I changed my mind" at the last minute.

I appreciate everything she did for me, don't get me wrong. I also realize that some people may see me venting here as being the equivalent (and worse due to more words/details) of what she did on Facebook. The fact of the matter though is that this IS my journal, and this IS where I vent about things and this IS where I work out my feelings on stuff.

You know, if it hadn't been for the Facebook thing I would have been over it all in a few days. After all, in relationships you have to disagree about somethings sometimes. It's a part of life. Dealing with immature people, however, I can limit.

November 2009 Twelve of Twelve

I forgot to do this last month, but luckily, since I've been using my iPhone as a white noise machine it's next to my bed in the morning. That means I can check Facebook first thing (bad) and see reminders before I get up and it's too late to do this when I remember!

I woke up to the lovely sensation of something warm spreading across my back. Bubba tends to wake up at about 7 in the morning, and then I put him in bed with me because he'll usually go back to sleep there. This means I get about another 2-3 hours of sleep most days, which is lovely. This morning he woke up before I did and managed to undo the velcro on his diaper before crawling over to where I was. I was sleeping on my side, and he kneeled against me while trying to peek over at the dog who was sleeping on the floor. This meant his naked front was pressed against my back, and well, I guess nature called!

Luckily, my husband was telecommuting that day so that allowed me to be able to get the mess cleaned up and myself in the shower right away!

It's never too early to start good dental hygiene! (gotta love the bedhead)

I tried parting my hair in the middle. Not sure I like it. I also put on lipstick, which is something I rarely do.

I needed some more adhesive, so I drove out to the scrapbook store. Of course, they were out! I did look through the paper though. It's so frustrating to see so many pretty choices and not be able to buy them! Oh, and for those of you who aren't local - this is only a FRACTION of what they have there. MMMM paper room!

We swung by Michael's because I needed some candy boxes. I made cake balls (cake pops minus the stick) the day before and I needed something in which to place them for giving. They had this huge bin of ribbon outside but I was good and resisted the urge to look.

Bubba's socks. I love these and will be so sad when he outgrows them. They're from Gymboree, and we bought them when I was still pregnant.

We had marriage prep that evening. These are our facilitators. I'm actually not sure what their official title is, but I like to take them food, hee hee! They got a box of cake balls.

Afterwards we made a stop at Hobby Lobby to look for the elusive adhesive. No luck. That baby was out cold! He totally wore himself out crawling around the room and cruising around the tables while we were at church. He even took a few steps there. He's officially started walking, but we haven't been able to get any video because he gets too excited when he sees the camera and falls!

I sold a couple of my December Daily albums (I still have two left in my Etsy shop! Go look!) including one to my friend Cicely. We stopped and dropped it off on the way to marriage prep and I took her some cake balls too. I did take a photo of her with the baby that I intended to use in this post, but she was leaning into the car and I realized after the fact that I had managed to take a photo down her top. It wouldn't be very nice to post a pic of her girls on the internet, so that's why it's not here.

Anyway, I decided that we needed a treat and since I had the cash from her album in my wallet, I got my husband and myself our first red cups of the season from Starbucks. This was our first time there in two months. How's that for cutting back?

I got to work on some pages for my December Dailies when we got home from our outing. I love paper!

Bubba helped. He's taken to standing on this stool next to my table and keeping me company while I work. He'll usually stand there and play contentedly with paper scraps and some of the "safer" tools like the bone folder or Empressor for about 15 minutes before he gets bored.

I needed a bit of a break, so I went into the kitchen to box up some more of those cake balls. These are the 1 lb candy boxes I bought, and they held eight perfectly. Between the Wilton ones from Michael's, and the Make'n Mold ones from Hobby Lobby - I think I'll stick with the latter. They fold nicer, they have a nicer finish, they don't gap when you close them, AND you got four for the same price that you get three Wilton ones. They're the exact same size and shape too. No brainer!

I went with a Fall/Thanksgiving color scheme when decorating them. I thought I'd like cake balls better, because I felt bad wasting all those sticks, but MAN, what a mess!!! I think I'll try it again with the actual candy making tools (yay Michael's coupons!) instead of just a spoon, but if that doesn't help, it's back to cake pops for me.

I also think it's worth noting that fancier candy melts aren't necessarily better for this. I was excited to find Guittard ones at Safeway (it's what they use in the FABULOUS hot chocolate that they sell at Williams Sonoma) but it turns out they just didn't work very well. They melted nicely, but when the candy cooled the shell totally cracked across the center. (They were tastier than the Wilton ones however) So far I've tried three brands and the generic ones from the cake decorating store are my favorites. I do plan on trying the Make'n Mold ones next though. I think that's what Bakerella uses.

Of course, I totally got sucked into what I was doing and ended up staying awake until 4:30 am. Oops. So that was my day.

Before Computers

A few years ago, on a visit to Seattle, I talked my husband and his dad into going on the Underground Tour of Pioneer Square. Because they were local, they had never done this before. It was just relegated to that category of things that are considered tourist traps. (This is exactly why I've never been to Taliesin West.) We all went though, and I think they were glad we did because it was really a good time. It's crazy to see just how much stuff still exists underground, and to learn some of the history of the city.

At the end of the tour, they had a little museum set up with some of the old stuff they found down there when those areas were reopened. There was a man there with two small boys, and they were asking him all sorts of questions about things they saw.

"Hey dad, what's that?" asked one.

"It's a typewriter," answered the father.

"Is that what people used before they invented computers?" the boy asked. He mulled this bit of information over for a bit after his dad answered in the affirmative, and finally asked, "But where's the monitor???"

Yeah.

I took typing in high school, on an actual typewriter, although not one as old as the one in the museum that day. (I'm old! *sniff*) That being said though, I've always loved the look of those big, solid vintage machines. There's something beautiful about them, and I've always longed to have one of my very own. I would have been happy having one that didn't even work. They're just so pretty!

Well, yesterday I decided to go poke around a few thrift shops in search of old curtains or tablecloths or something that I could make into stockings. On the way to marriage prep, we had passed by a big Salvation Army that I had not seen before, so I decided that was going to be our first stop. Right inside the door they had some shelves with a few "nicer" items - vintage glassware, sterling silver tea sets, etc. On the very bottom shelf, a big black case with a scrap of white paper scotch taped to it caught my eye.

The paper read "New Ribbon - Just Replaced" in a shaky hand.

I couldn't believe it. I carefully opened up the case (the catch worked still!) and this was inside:

It's missing the key, and the little brush to clean it, but other than that it's in perfect condition. I looked at the price and it said it was $49. I wanted to cry, because that's an AMAZING deal for something this nice, and in this condition. I made myself close the case and walk away, because there was no reason to torture myself. I didn't have the money, end of story. I could have bought it, but then we would have had to advance money for gas later in the week, and that's not good.

I temporarily forgot why I was there in the first place and had to be reminded by my husband. I checked out the linen section but didn't find anything that would work for my project. The whole time I was looking, I couldn't shake the sadness over our situation and what a shame it was to have a rare find like this just slip through my fingers! I decided to go admire it one last time on the way out because I'm a total glutton for punishment.

As I squatted there in front of the shelf making sad faces at my husband, he noticed a big sign that was right in front of the door where we walked in. In faded dry erase marker, it said "Everything in the Store - 50% Off Today Only!" He pointed it out to me... that would make the typewriter only $25. I had $25 because I had sold some stuff on eBay! I didn't want to get my hopes up right away, so I had him go verify with one of the ladies working there while I guarded what I was quickly beginning to think of as "MY" typewriter.

Sure enough, she said it was everything, so I grabbed it and we hustled over to check out before anyone could change their minds!

Isn't it PRETTY???

It's a Royal Quiet De Luxe, billed on the owner's manual as "the world's first truly modern portable typewriter. Hemingway used one of these, and it was said to be his favorite. The copyright date on the manual reads 1948 and the previous owner was even so kind to include part of the box for the ribbon so I'd know what kind to get when it was time to be replaced.

When we got home, I found a typewritten set of instructions tucked inside the manual outlining the daily, weekly and monthly maintenance check-ups for this machine. It was dated June 7, 1950!

Of course, I had to try it out. Typing on a typewriter is HARD!!! You have to hit the keys way harder than I am used to doing on a computer keyboard. Also, the backspace key is on the opposite side of the keyboard from where I am used to it being. I can't type nearly as fast, because if you hit two keys too close in time together, they jam.

Thankfully, it's not replacing my printer any time soon! :)

December Daily

Every year, Ali Edwards makes what she calls a "December Daily" album and posts it on her blog. It consists of some sort of small, handmade scrapbook made from varying materials and different sized pages for visual interest. She uses it to document her family's everyday life during the month of December, including holiday traditions, family gatherings, and the everyday bits and pieces that she doesn't want to forget as the years pass.

I've thought about doing this before, but we never really did a lot for Christmas. Last year was the baby's first Christmas, and I thought it would be a fun thing to do then, but he was a month and a half old at the time. I just didn't have it in me to get the stuff together to make a card, let alone a whole album!

I know that I am not the only one who feels that way. I'm sure that a lot of people would love to do this, but simply don't have the time or the skill to create the book for themselves. Therefore, I present to you my December Journal.

The album is handmade from chipboard, patterned paper, and fabric bookbinding tape. It's held together by two 2 inch book rings, embellished with a metal bookplate on the cover and has lots of ribbon on the spine. It measures 8 inches by 8 inches.

The pages inside are of varying sizes and materials. There are plenty of little pockets for tucking various odds and ends that you don't want to get lost. There are 25 pages total, including one that is a blank calendar. Front and back, that's 50 pages, which means there are enough to do a few two-page spreads for those extra busy days. All that is left to do is add photos and journaling, which will only take a few minutes at the end of the day.

Pretty cool huh? Okay, so here's the best part - this album isn't for me. I made it to place in my Etsy shop. Even better?

There are two!

The only difference between the two are the patterned paper covers and some of the pages got flipped on the inside. Otherwise, same number of pages, same papers, same pockets and envelopes, etc.

The link to my Etsy shop, if you're interested, is on my right sidebar. I'm planning on making a couple more of these to list since a) they're really fun to make and b) Christmas is coming up here quickly and I could use a little extra money to buy gifts/giftmaking supplies!

Enjoy and thanks as always for looking!

My First Book Signing

Yesterday, the Pioneer Woman came to town, and I was sad because I was going to miss her.

I've been a fan of her cooking blog for a while now. I don't really follow her Confessions or photography stuff - I'm strictly here for the food. (I swear, that's going to be my epitaph!) She published a cookbook recently and one of the stops on her book tour was going to be not too far from where I live. I was so excited - a chance to meet THE Pioneer Woman!

Yes, I know I'm a geek, but so what?

Anyway, as the day for her signing approached, my excitement turned to sadness. As a lot of you know, we've been trying to clean up our finances here since the baby has been born, and that means cutting out a lot of our frivolous spending so that we can get the last of the credit cards paid off and current. You know what falls squarely into the frivolous spending category?

That's right. Cookbooks. And you can't go to a book signing without buying the BOOK!!! So, that meant no Pioneer Woman meet and greet for me. Phooey.

My friend saw my grouchy tweet about it that day, and asked why I couldn't go. I told her about not having the money for the book, so she said that she'd get it for me and we could go! I'm telling you, this girl is the BEST. I'm so glad to have her back! I jumped into the shower and headed over to her house so we could go together.

Luckily, I didn't know where the bookstore was exactly, so I looked up their website when I got to her house. There I noticed that you needed to buy tickets for the signing. I had never been to one before, so I had no idea! I was so bummed because I thought seating would be first come, first served. We called the store, and got our tickets and reserved a spot in our seating group - group H.

Since there was no rush to get there now, we had a bite to eat and then moseyed on over. We got in line to pick up our books and then decided to poke around the store for a bit. There was a line forming, but we didn't see the point in standing in line if they were seating in groups, so we decided to go browse. Some shriveled little hag of a woman started screeching at us as we made our way past - "YOU CANT CUT US! THE END OF THE LINE IS BACK THERE! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING???" Um, okay, line police! We were going to SHOP. I'm sure the store employees had no problems with this, geez. Some people really need to unclench, you know? It wasn't even all that serious!

Well, after we had been looking around for a while, one of the employees made an announcement. Turns out, a bunch of people were tweeting about how pissed they were that they had to be seated in groups, and Pioneer Woman saw them so she called the store and told the employees that she wanted people seated first come, first serve.

Well, crap. So if we had gotten there early (aka our original plan) we would have gotten seats. Now for sure we were doomed to standing room only! Ah well. I told myself that I was just glad to get to be there! Finally they started letting people into the seating area and it got really crowded. I did bump into one of my sorority sisters in line though:

She's tall and skinny but I like her anyway.

Check out all the people. There had to be about 200 sitting and at least that many standing. I would not have been surprised if they had said 500 people showed. It was freaking HOT in there.

Finally at about 7:00, Ree came out and talked for a bit then took questions from the audience. She also had her mother in law and sister in law with her.

After that, it was time to settle in and get comfy. We had a looooong wait for our group to be called.

And here we are. That poor woman had stacks and stacks of books that people left to be signed because they didn't want to wait around. She said she was running on about three hours of sleep. We left there at about 10:30 and we were tired, so I can only imagine how bad she was feeling. She was very nice though.

I don't know if I'll ever go to another book signing again though.