Monday, November 28, 2005

I'm topless!

I have no blouses.

I have a TON of plain tee shirts. Short sleeve, solid color tees from Old Navy ( a few from the Gap) take up the bulk of the space on the shirt rack in my closet. I even have one that is a silk/cashmere blend that I never wear because if I sweat at all it smells funny and besides, it's too small.

I have a bunch of button down dressy work shirts. I tend to favor structured ones in solids or vertical stripes from Lerner, but I have some I got other places too. They looked really good when I was thinner, but these days I am all gut. Maybe I should just pretend that I am pregnant? Will anyone notice when I've been preggers for 3 years?

I do have ONE blouse that is a v-neck with 3/4 length sleeves. I like that one, but since it is black cotton (i.e. a fancy tee shirt!) it's starting to fade a bit. Oh, and maybe it's a little snug these days. Other than that, all of my tops can be sorted into the previous two categories.

How did this happen?

How am I supposed to go anywhere without clothes to wear? It's like I am a slob or I am overdressed, nothing in the middle.

It doesn't help that I am a FAT slob lately and everything is tight.

I went to 3 different stores today, and didn't find one top that I liked. I looked in magazines, and everything is sleeveless. I don't want my jelly arms wobbling about in December!!! I need SLEEVES!!! Preferably short ones or 3/4 length ones, but something! Well, maybe not cap sleeves that make it look like you stole one of your little niece's shirts, or banded sleeves that make you look like a sausage...

Also, when you have a belly, regular length shirts are all of a sudden too short! Manufacturers, listen to me: Do not make the size extra large shirt the same length as the size small shirt. Sure, it's wider and the arms are slightly roomier, but when you only allow 1 extra tiny measly inch to cover 60 more pounds of flesh, well, it isn't pretty. Trust me.

I can't find clothes to fit my body, so I feel really bad for the people who are bigger than me. Yeah, there are stores like Lane Bryant, but that stuff is too big for me on the most part. I do have a cute pair of pants I got there, but they were the smallest ones in the store. Most things didn't even come in that size.

I just hate how a 14 at Target or a store in the mall is way too small for me, and a 14 at Lane Bryant is too big for me. WHAT THE HELL SIZE DO I WEAR THEN????



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