Friday, November 18, 2005

I am in it up to my neck

I am the unluckiest girl alive, I swear.

I posted earlier today about how I sent an email to The Woman and gave her a piece of my mind.

See, I haven't been sleeping so good lately, as is evidenced by me posting blog entries at 5 am. I go to bed and I inevitably would start to think about her and what she did to me and the whole situation, and I start thinking of what I would say to her if I got the chance. I'm still very hurt and very angry about what happened to me and how the whole incident was handled. I very much blame her for it.

So she sent me that email yesterday, and the last thing I needed to see in the wee hours of the morning when I checked my email was her name. So I acted rashly and I replied, not very nicely, then I blogged about it here. It felt so good to just get that off my chest to her! It had been stewing for almost 2 weeks!

Problem is, I am an IDIOT. Either my email program seriously fucked up, or I accidentally hit reply-all instead of reply. Either way, not only did The Woman get my email, the whole workplace did too, which was NOT my intention AT ALL.

I was not home all day, and when I checked my email this evening I had two nasty emails in my inbox. One was from another person at the workplace who claimed that he felt sorry for me that I felt the need to express myself so unprofessionally AGAIN. (What? What again? When was the first time?) He also said that I need to think before I speak (which is true), the only real person to blame here is me, he's not upset, just sad and wishing me the best... what the fuck ever. The man has a serious superiority complex and I don't need to hear his load of drivel. I didn't even realize what the heck he was talking about at first because he was never meant to see that email, so I didn't relate the two. That was FOR The Woman ONLY, about The Woman.

The other email, that's the one I'm really upset about. My friend, the one who still works there, thinks that I sent the email to everyone on purpose also. I didn't MEAN to send it to everyone. I seriously thought I hit reply and it was only going to The Woman, I swear. I never even paused to think that it would go to anyone else. That's why when I got these emails I was kinda confused for a minute, until it dawned on me what had happened.

She also said that no one thought that it was funny. I wasn't TRYING to be funny. Why would I do that? There was NOTHING about the situation that was funny at all. I don't want to get the Other Staff Member fired. I like the Other Staff Member. I'm really hurt that she would think I would do this on purpose. She's probably the best friend I have and now she doesn't want to speak to me anymore because I don't know that she has to work with those people? Of course I know that! That's why I didn't want to say anything at all about all that stuff. I didn't want them to hate my friend for bringing me into the picture. I am not so stupid that I can't look ahead and realize what consequences my actions could have.

Why would I send that email to everyone anyway? They don't need to know my business. It was only intended for The Woman. I just want my friend to know that I did not mean for that letter to go to the whole school, and I am very sorry that it did, not just because it may have cost me my best friend, but because people who I have no beef with will get in trouble because of me reminding this Woman of her own inappropriate behavior and confidentiality breaches.

If my friend had bothered to check into it, she would have seen that a) the letter was written to The Woman, not to the general population. If I wanted to rat on her to everyone, I would have said something along the lines of "Hey eneryone, I think you should know what this Woman has been doing" and then listed them by her name and not have used the pronoun "you".

Also b) I blogged about it this morning! I even mentioned that she may not read it, she may delete it, but she certainly wouldn't be showing that email around. Why would I mention about her showing it around if I had already purposely sent it around for her? That doesn't make any sense!

I don't know what to do now. Honestly. I acknowledge that I made a mistake, it was an accident, and there is nothing I can do about it now but wait and see what happens. I just can't believe the crappy luck I am having and also finding out how horrible people really think I am kind of hurts, because I am not that horrible, I am not trying to be horrible, but apparently I am.


Blogger Melissa said...

Oh no! How horrible. I am sorry to hear that these things are happening to you. Hopefully your friend will realize that you didn't mean to send it to everyone. I can only imagine how you are feeling right now. HUGS!!!!!

1:30 PM  

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