Wednesday, April 02, 2008


There is a strip of paper stuck across the top of my computer monitor at work. It says, "The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now." I keep looking at it, and telling myself to choose my attitude, and to choose to be happy.

But then, I think, **F*CK being happy.** I'm grouchy. I'm entitled to be grouchy. I just wanna smack people upside the head for being stupid. Seriously, THAT kind of grouchy.

Problem is, I work in the hospitality industry, and well, my smile is a part of my uniform. Gag, right? Fake it till ya make it. It's hard. I dont' want to be here. I want to punch a wall. Is this one of the stages of grief?

Yesterday, after I managed to pry myself out of bed and finally was able to stop crying, I puttered around on the Internet for a while. I thought to myself, Self, you feel like crap. What makes you feel better, what makes you forget other stuff, at least for a while?

So, I went into my scraproom, and looked at my table. It was pretty clear, as I made Zee a birthday card recently, but there was one corner where there was a little pile of papers and other odds and ends.

The Daily Pile.

Even though I haven't been doing them like I intended, I still find myself gathering bits of ephemera here and there to make the cards. I set them on the corner of my desk so that they are there when I get around to actually doing them. It doesn't matter if I forget the dates, because I can either check my date book or go back through my blog to find out the appropriate date to put on them. Pretty nifty huh? So, I made a bunch of dailies yesterday to cheer myself up.

This is the postmark off something that came in the mail at work. I asked the recipient if I could have it, and they obliged. I'd love to visit London one day.

Super Bowl weekend, saw rapper Akon at the mall. Got accidentally caught up in the mob. It was very funny, but listening to the thirteen year olds gush about how now their lives were complete, I realized, MAN, am I old!

A little blurb about Super Bowl Sunday.

My dogs in the bath. I use the Lush soap on the little one, and she smells so good afterwards, for days! They're awful cute, even if they do look a little bit pathetic.

Ticket stub from the Renaissance Festival. I went with some coworkers and it was FUN. I ate a big old Turkey leg. Well, not the whole thing. It started to gross me out after a bit. We rode an elephant too.

Positive Pregnancy Test!!!

Marcella by Kay (Target brand) cupcake stuff. Too cute. I love those dang ancient Chatterbox alphabet stickers. My handwriting for the date.

Ultrasound pic. My handwriting and more ancient Chatterbox stickers.

My FIL gave us iTunes gift cards for Christmas, and I've been getting good use out of mine!!!

My final project for cake decorating class. New itty bitty teensy tiny Doodlebug rub ons.

My card to mark Monday's events. It's blue, cuz I was sad, and I'm cheesy that way.

So, after I did all those, and the little crap/ephemera pile was cleared away, I looked about and found the picture of the ultrasound that I enlarged and printed out. I haven't done an actual page in a while so I was like, what the heck?

Bubba's baby book is now up to date, with a grand total of two layouts. I rock.

Got the title off a tshirt I was going to buy but was too tight (and it was a MATERNITY shirt!!!). I ran out of "e" stickers, so I used my Crop A Dile to punch a hole in a "c" sticker...can you tell? The heart I cut freehand. I love that particular shade of red Bazzill. So pretty.

Here's the birthday card I made Zee. Her birthday was yesterday (Happy Belated Birthday! I suck!) but I was so wrapped up in ME and MY ISSUES that I forgot to post anything about it. Sorry. But I did mail a card BEFORE it happened, and that's pretty dang impressive for this slacker.

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Blogger Devon said...

I always love everything that you do. You have great ideas that come through wonderful on paper. I'm sorry that you've had a very rough week. I've been there I understand somewhat. As far as your child not loving you, that's not going to happen! Your baby will love you so much, and you will love them that much right back. I love Jacob more than I ever thought I could. Things will get better, it'll take some time before you are feeling better, but it will happen. Unfortunately you never really know people. If you want/need to talk to someone, let me know and we can get together. Hugs!

9:01 PM  
Blogger Susanne P. said...

Please stop beating yourself up. You are a good person and don't forget it. The love of a child is priceless and your child will love you beyond words.

Your scrapping is awesome. I love those little cards. What a great way to document the little things.

Take care.

8:04 AM  
Blogger ShariK said...

Sara, I've been reading your blog for a long time and feel like I know you! I am so sorry for the crap you've been going through but girl you have such HUGE things ahead of you. You are such a talented scrapper and I love looking at your creations. Your life is about to change for the BETTER and I hope you will be able to look at all of this later (regardless of how it turns out) and see that in the big picture it was just a "thing" and life is different now. Take care of yourself and focus on you and that little one inside you.

8:19 AM  
Blogger Zee said...

Hehehe, guess what I got today! :) It reminded me of all the cake pictures you post and made my mouth water...LOL. Thanks for thinkin of me. Love the card idea, I may have to start doing something like that since scrappin for myself seems futile. ;)

2:01 PM  

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