Monday, July 03, 2006

Brakes and Loyalty and the Silent Treatment

It's been over 24 hours and my husband has still not spoken to me. Not one single word. I have no idea what time he got home last night. He slept on the couch. He avoided me all day. He is back asleep on the couch right now. Ass.

I know that the silent treatment goes both ways. I know that I could just as easily go in there and say something. The thing is though, the silent treatment is his "thing". I know that no matter what, there is going to be a fight. The longer I get to sit and think about it, the madder I get, and the worse the fight is going to be. He knows this. He knows how much I hate him ignoring me, yet he persists in doing it every time we have an argument. It's like he really just wants to piss me off as much as humanly possible. Ass.

I think what I fear most is failing at my marraige. I was thinking about what I wrote last night, about jumping to the worst case scenario, and I realized that my fear is that I will be a failure at being married like my mom was. My mom was married 4 times before her 34th birthday. I think that was a little excessive. One lasted only six months, while the longest lasted almost 8 years. I don't want to be like her. I want to be married only once. I made a vow that this was it, till death do us part and all that good stuff. Crazy how I am sitting here with my husband not speaking to me and sleeping on the couch over some stupid idiot that didn't know how to keep her mouth shut.

You know what my problem is? I am too loyal. If someone is close to me, I will stick up for them. If someone were to disrespect a friend of mine, I wouldn't able to be friends with them. I'm not talking about if two people I know had a disagreement. I'm talking about if one really dicked the other one over. I couldn't stay friends with someone like that. I know that not everyone feels this way, and that's fine, but it's just me.

I mean, look at how long I defended Lindsay to everyone, just because she was my sorority sister. We weren't even active at the same time, but I stood up for her everytime someone told me that she was a bitch, and look where it got me.

I can't expect everyone to be as loyal to me as I am to them, which is kind of sad but I am a realist. I just figured that my spouse, of all people, would be. Apparently I was wrong. That ass.

I've eaten way too much crap today. I had a huge bowl of frosted mini wheats, potato chips dipped in sour cream, a piece of cheese, two cup noodles, 3 crab cakes, a hershey kiss, a frozen limeade thing, and several cans of soda. I laid in bed for way longer than was healthy. I did manage to clean up my scraproom a bit, and make some pages for my new planner.

I have to drive scary car tomorrow again. I guess I didn't post about it before. So we have this car, and it is the biggest POS ever. It was free though. That's what I kept telling myself. I told myself that when the windshield leaked when it rained. I told myself that when the AC stopped working. I told myself that when someone stole the headlight covers. I told myself that when the rain burst our headlights and we were left stranded. I told myself that when the windows stopped working and wouldn't roll down. I told myself that the countless times it has overheated for no reason at all. I told myself that when we had to put packing tape over the headlights so we could drive when it rained. I told myself that when I put a thermometer in the car out of curiosity and saw that I was driving home in a 160 degree oven. No wonder my jewelry would burn me!

Now, the car has gone too far. The brakes have never been fabulous on this thing, but they always worked. They just weren't as tight as the brakes on newer cars. No biggie. Well, last Thursday morning, as I was backing out of our parking space to take the husband to work, I went to hit the brakes and the car kept going. I panicked, and thinking I hit the wrong pedal, hit the gas! Luckily, there was no one behind me. I hit the brakes again and nothing happened until I slammed on them as hard as I could.

My husband was like, what was THAT??? I said I think the brakes just went out. I drove a little and kept pressing the brakes, and they acted like normal. I figured, maybe I did just hit the wrong pedal after all. Just a fluke.

Nope. No fluke. On the way home from work, I went to make a left hand turn at a stop light, and that car did NOT slow down. I burned rubber all the way through the intersection. I'm very lucky there wasn't a cop there, or I am sure I would have gotten a ticket. If I could have stopped for him anyway, that is.

I told my husband he had to take the next day (Friday) off to take it to get fixed. He said he couldn't, it was their year end day at work and they would be swamped. I couldn't exactly take the day off, since there isn't really anyone to cover for me, so I drove scary car to work. I can press the brake and it gives exactly like the gas pedal does. I don't start to slow until that bad boy is all the way down. I can't slam it though, because it makes me swerve to the left and then the brakes lock up and I slide. That was my adventure on Friday morning, in case you're wondering how I know.

So tomorrow, the woman who usually works mornings decided to go to the beach with her family. Since I have no family and I am too poor to jet off to California every chance, I get to work the whole day alone. I can't call in because there is no one else who is available to work, especially not with the holiday. I told my husband that he really needed to take the car in tomorrow, but he won't call in. Says he can't, because the other guy he works with is on vacation. I hope he'll call in when I end up in the hospital because of his stupid car and him not wanting to take it in!!! Ass.

My friend, who does not want to see me die (she's cool like that) has volunteered to take me to work tomorrow and pick me up again. I am very lucky to have her in my life, that's for sure. I'm going to take the car in to get the brakes checked in the morning, but I am so not paying for it. Well, I guess in the end, I am, since our money is split, but it's the principle of the matter. Grr.

I know I should go to bed, but I am so not sleepy. That's what I get for being a slacker all day. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, but then again, I have this great fight to look forward to when he decides to quit being a stubborn ass, so we'll just have to see.


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