Ethical Dilemma
Okay. I don't want to give tooooo many details, what with this being the internet and all, ha ha.
The Woman, let's call her. I like nicknames like that. Anyway, The Woman that I thought was a friend totally threw me under the bus today. She did so in such a way that I am being accused of doing something totally heinous and so completely disgusting that I would NEVER EVER EVER in a million years do, but she stands by her accusation, which was formed by hearing half a conversation about something which she wasn't even there to witness. Follow me?
Basically, she said that I said that I did something which I did NOT do, but I not only did not do it, I did not say that I did it. Why would I? Do I have "stupid idiot" stamped across my forehead? I have three other witnesses which will agree with my side of the story, but since they aren't "admin" they don't count apparently. No one asked any of the other "witnesses" what was said, or what occured, they just took her word for it.
I have no problem admitting when I have done wrong. If I had gone and asked the other Witnesses if they recalled me saying that, and they had told me that yes, I did indees say that, then I would be like, Crap, I'm an idiot for not remembering saying that, and well, I am also an idiot for saying that in the first place and I deserve what I get for saying that. Common sense as far as I am concerned, you reap what you sow and all that jazz.
The thing she is saying that I did is so disgusting, and so completely wrong that I am offended that anyone I know and would consider a friend would even imagine that I could do that, let alone even was capable of thinking of doing that.
So, anyway, I no longer have a job because of this. This was my choice. I can't work for people who would seriously think I would do this. First off, it's gross and wrong. I am not that sick. Second, I am not that stupid! Anyone with half a brain would know better that to pull a stunt like that!
I don't know what I am more offended by: The fact that this woman, who I thought was my friend, that I hung out with and went to happy hour with and complimented when she looked nice and I laughed with and gave birthday gifts to and who I tried to make feel better when her boyfriend was being a jerk to her TOTALLY stabbed me in the back, or, the fact that there are MULTIPLE people at this place who believe that I am just a bad, bad person for being capable of doing this THING which I am accused of WHICH I DID NOT DO! But they all think that I did.
Anyway, The Woman is offering herself up to The Boss as a paragon of ethical choices and proffesionalism and appropriate conduct in the workplace. The Boss kinda believes her, after all, she is his right hand man.
The thing is, she ISN'T a paragon of ethical choices and proffesionalism and appropriate conduct in the workplace! She bragged to everyone last week that she had gotten me fired!!! Totally unprofessional, considering that I hadn't been anything of the sort and I actually went to work today. She claimed that my inappropriate behavior in the workplace regarding the situation at hand made me an unsuitable person to work in that position.
I stand by my original, truthful, version of events. There was no way to know that the things that transpired that day would work out the way they did, and they worked out that way through no fault or instigation of my own.
So anyway, The Woman, who is SUCH a paragon of ethical choices and proffesionalism, maintains appropriate conduct in the workplace at all times, right? Not so much.
So here comes the dilemma: Do I drag her under the bus with me? Should she reap what she has sown?
Part of me says no. It just will make me look bad that I sank to her level of finger pointing.
Then again, part of me is like SCREW HER. She did what she did, she made those choices on her own, and she really DID do those things. She did share information about people who were about to get fired, people on disciplinary action, people who would NOT have a job next year, people who she thought were failures in their jobs, people who were going to have the police called to intervene in certain classroom situations, information she had NO BUSINESS as an administrator sharing with others on staff. She did flirt shamelessly with another member of staff, wearing skirts on the days they would interact, bending over, in the presence of children, so he could peek up her skirt, trying to have sex with him in her CLASSROOM, sharing with multiple members of the staff WHY she was unable to have sex with him in her CLASSROOM (one of them couldn't hold up their end of the deal , if you catch my drift), and proclaiming that this other member of staff (keep in mind NOT her boyfriend) was "so fucking hot" in the presence of children.
Yes. Very ethical and appropriate and professional, just the kinds of things that a paragon of ethical choices and proffesionalism and appropriate conduct in the workplace would do.
So... do I tell The Boss about The Woman when I call him to tell him I've decided not to go back? He deserves to know about her behavior and conduct, but at the same time, this could cost her not only her job, but the one of the Other Member of Staff. He'd be collateral damage, I guess that is what they call that.
Or does that make me petty? And Small?
I mean, geez, sometimes, it feels GOOD to be petty and small, I don't care what anyone says, especially when you yourself have been wronged. There is a part of me that cries out for vengeance, ha ha! I have that angry Latina in me that wants to come out and kick ass sometimes!
The other problem is that I like the Other Member of Staff. He's a nice guy. A bit dirty, in that way, but he's never done anything to hurt me, and I'd feel terrible if he lost his job because of something that I did.
I don't know. This whole situation is making my head hurt, as it is probably making anyone who reads this head's hurt. I cried so much today over all this bullshit. I had my first anxiety attack in like a year today because of this. My sinuses hurt and my nose is STILL stuffy. My eyes hurt too.
I hate her for doing this to me, and I hate her for making me feel this way, and I hate her for putting me in this position.
Maybe I'll relate the whole story at a later date, depending on how it works out. All the sordid details, ha ha.
Oy. I just needed to get it all out, kinda.
The Woman, let's call her. I like nicknames like that. Anyway, The Woman that I thought was a friend totally threw me under the bus today. She did so in such a way that I am being accused of doing something totally heinous and so completely disgusting that I would NEVER EVER EVER in a million years do, but she stands by her accusation, which was formed by hearing half a conversation about something which she wasn't even there to witness. Follow me?
Basically, she said that I said that I did something which I did NOT do, but I not only did not do it, I did not say that I did it. Why would I? Do I have "stupid idiot" stamped across my forehead? I have three other witnesses which will agree with my side of the story, but since they aren't "admin" they don't count apparently. No one asked any of the other "witnesses" what was said, or what occured, they just took her word for it.
I have no problem admitting when I have done wrong. If I had gone and asked the other Witnesses if they recalled me saying that, and they had told me that yes, I did indees say that, then I would be like, Crap, I'm an idiot for not remembering saying that, and well, I am also an idiot for saying that in the first place and I deserve what I get for saying that. Common sense as far as I am concerned, you reap what you sow and all that jazz.
The thing she is saying that I did is so disgusting, and so completely wrong that I am offended that anyone I know and would consider a friend would even imagine that I could do that, let alone even was capable of thinking of doing that.
So, anyway, I no longer have a job because of this. This was my choice. I can't work for people who would seriously think I would do this. First off, it's gross and wrong. I am not that sick. Second, I am not that stupid! Anyone with half a brain would know better that to pull a stunt like that!
I don't know what I am more offended by: The fact that this woman, who I thought was my friend, that I hung out with and went to happy hour with and complimented when she looked nice and I laughed with and gave birthday gifts to and who I tried to make feel better when her boyfriend was being a jerk to her TOTALLY stabbed me in the back, or, the fact that there are MULTIPLE people at this place who believe that I am just a bad, bad person for being capable of doing this THING which I am accused of WHICH I DID NOT DO! But they all think that I did.
Anyway, The Woman is offering herself up to The Boss as a paragon of ethical choices and proffesionalism and appropriate conduct in the workplace. The Boss kinda believes her, after all, she is his right hand man.
The thing is, she ISN'T a paragon of ethical choices and proffesionalism and appropriate conduct in the workplace! She bragged to everyone last week that she had gotten me fired!!! Totally unprofessional, considering that I hadn't been anything of the sort and I actually went to work today. She claimed that my inappropriate behavior in the workplace regarding the situation at hand made me an unsuitable person to work in that position.
I stand by my original, truthful, version of events. There was no way to know that the things that transpired that day would work out the way they did, and they worked out that way through no fault or instigation of my own.
So anyway, The Woman, who is SUCH a paragon of ethical choices and proffesionalism, maintains appropriate conduct in the workplace at all times, right? Not so much.
So here comes the dilemma: Do I drag her under the bus with me? Should she reap what she has sown?
Part of me says no. It just will make me look bad that I sank to her level of finger pointing.
Then again, part of me is like SCREW HER. She did what she did, she made those choices on her own, and she really DID do those things. She did share information about people who were about to get fired, people on disciplinary action, people who would NOT have a job next year, people who she thought were failures in their jobs, people who were going to have the police called to intervene in certain classroom situations, information she had NO BUSINESS as an administrator sharing with others on staff. She did flirt shamelessly with another member of staff, wearing skirts on the days they would interact, bending over, in the presence of children, so he could peek up her skirt, trying to have sex with him in her CLASSROOM, sharing with multiple members of the staff WHY she was unable to have sex with him in her CLASSROOM (one of them couldn't hold up their end of the deal , if you catch my drift), and proclaiming that this other member of staff (keep in mind NOT her boyfriend) was "so fucking hot" in the presence of children.
Yes. Very ethical and appropriate and professional, just the kinds of things that a paragon of ethical choices and proffesionalism and appropriate conduct in the workplace would do.
So... do I tell The Boss about The Woman when I call him to tell him I've decided not to go back? He deserves to know about her behavior and conduct, but at the same time, this could cost her not only her job, but the one of the Other Member of Staff. He'd be collateral damage, I guess that is what they call that.
Or does that make me petty? And Small?
I mean, geez, sometimes, it feels GOOD to be petty and small, I don't care what anyone says, especially when you yourself have been wronged. There is a part of me that cries out for vengeance, ha ha! I have that angry Latina in me that wants to come out and kick ass sometimes!
The other problem is that I like the Other Member of Staff. He's a nice guy. A bit dirty, in that way, but he's never done anything to hurt me, and I'd feel terrible if he lost his job because of something that I did.
I don't know. This whole situation is making my head hurt, as it is probably making anyone who reads this head's hurt. I cried so much today over all this bullshit. I had my first anxiety attack in like a year today because of this. My sinuses hurt and my nose is STILL stuffy. My eyes hurt too.
I hate her for doing this to me, and I hate her for making me feel this way, and I hate her for putting me in this position.
Maybe I'll relate the whole story at a later date, depending on how it works out. All the sordid details, ha ha.
Oy. I just needed to get it all out, kinda.
Miss M told you so @ 12:43 AM
3 Comments:
Ok, so I don't know what happened, but is it woryh leaving the job over as apposed to asking all parties involved (witnesses ect...) to sit down and discuss the matter so the truth comes out. I personally couldn't leave without the op't to actually explain my side and clear my name, or at least try.
As for your "friend", have you tried actually talking to her about it? Like why would she believe something she thought she over heard before asking you about it? I would try those routes first before doing anything vengful.
Unfortunately there is a world full of idiots out there.
I'm so sorry Ms. M. What a terrible situation. I probably wouldn't do anything directly to her through complaining to the same boss you said protects her. You open yourself to more attacks on yourself, and it sounds like its been terrible enough to deal with.
Given the seriousness of how you described what you were falsely accused of, have you considered consulting with a local lawyer about what rights you might have? if it was that bad, it could blackball you right out of a career that you seem to really love.
Good luck dear.
I did talk to her, and I did talk to her boss, to clear my name. I recounted the events exactly as they happened.
I seriously doubt this could blackball me. I mean, they could say I can still work in that capacity in the school, but why do it with so many doubting me and thinking that I did do this?
Life is too short.
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