Sunday, March 05, 2006

Latino-ness

I found these online... I don't have any Latino friends to share this with, too bad huh? But I have to say, I totally identiefied with these and knew where they were coming from! Too funny. Anyway, for posterity:

*WHY LATINOS CAN'T BE TERRORISTS*

1. 8:45 am is too early for us to be up.
2. We are always late, we would have missed all 4 flights.
3. Pretty people on the plane distract us.
4. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.
5. With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there.
6. We talk with our hands, therefore we would have to put our weapons down.
7. We would ALL want to fly the plane.
8. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.
9. We can't keep a secret, we would have told everyone a week before doing it.
AND MY FAVORITE.....
10. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.

ARE YOU A LATINO? HOW CAN YOU TELL FOR SURE?

1) If you have ever been hit by a "Chancla."
2) If you grew up scared by something called "El Cucuy."
3) If others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking.
4) If you light a candle to the Virgin Mary on the night before your big test.
5) If you use your chin to point something out.
6) If you know that when someone wants "con fleys" they're referring to cereal.
7) If your mother yelled at the top of her lungs to call you for dinner, even if it was a one bedroom apartment.
8) If you can dance merengue, cumbia or salsa without music.
9) If you use "manteca" instead of olive oil and can't figure out why your nalgas are getting bigger.
10) If you are in a five passenger car with seven people in it and a person is shouting "subanse, todavia caben mas!"

I could have sent this to my non-Latino friends, but if you have to explain more than three items, what's the point???

Oh oh, and number one in the second list reminds me of another one of my stories about my dysfunctional childhood. I shared this story a few weeks ago at the store, and the ladies there were cracking up. I definitely had a "different childhood, that's for sure!

Anyway:

One of our favorite games when I was a kid was "Mean Momma". It was a variation on Hide and Go Seek, and I honestly don't remember how we started playing it, but man, was it fun!

One person was "it" - they were the Mean Momma. The rest of the people were the kids. Since the game was always played indoors when the moms all went out and left us home alone (yes, this happened VERY often) one bed was always selected as the home base. Unlike traditional games of hide and seek, in this one, everyone wanted to be it! Once you read the rules, you'll know why.

All the kids would have to get in bed. Whoever was the Mean Momma would tell them they had to stay in bed, because she was going to the Segunda (thrift store) to go buy them some shoes/clothes/whatever. This would get changed and embellished, but the basic theme was always the same. If they didn't stay in bed, the threat was that you'd get smacked with a shoe... specifically a Chancleta (sandal/flip flop).

So whoever was it would go with a shoe to either just outside the front or back door, or lock themselves in the bathroom, and the rest of us would go and hide. After a count to 10 or 20, depending on the day, the Mean Momma would come out and go to the bed. Various threats and insults would be shouted and then they would have to find the kids.

If you were the kids, your object was to get back to the bed and pretend to sleep without being caught by the Mean Momma. If you were the Mean Momma, your object was to find a kid, and beat them mercilessly with the shoe you took with you all the way back to the bed. Once they were back in bed, they were safe and you had to go look for the next kid.

Yes, it hurt. But you dealt with it because you looked forward to your turn to be the Mean Momma and beat some kids of your own! I guess it was a little like Hazing, ha ha! I'll tell you what though, my mom NEVER knew about the existence of this game, and she still doesn't to this day. Gee, I wonder why we never told her about it?

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