Love.

There simply isn't enough time in the day to give this baby all the kisses he deserves.

Yes, at times, he can frustrate me. The grouchy periods are killer. This weekend, he pooped all over my lap. Sometimes he just refuses to go to sleep, even if it's obvious that he's tired (and I'm tired too). That whole sleep-while-they-try-to-feed-me business is getting old too.

But in the end? He's totally worth it. And he'll be worth it when he's two and having a tantrum in the grocery store. He'll be worth it when he's three and "no" is his favorite word. He'll be worth it when he's five and we all have to be up because he is sick in the middle of the night. He'll be worth it when he's seven and refuses to take a bath. He'll be worth it when he's eleven and feeling like he can sass me. He'll be worth it when he's fifteen and thinks he's old enough to do as he pleases, even if he is sorely mistaken.

Sometimes, when I'm lying in bed, trying to go to sleep, I'm hit with the overwhelming urge to go get Sawyer out of his crib and bring him to bed with me, and just snuggle with him like he's a teddy bear. I don't, of course, because I don't want him to get used to sleeping there and then there's the whole elevated risk of SIDS thing, but I think about it. I just want to hold him close and never ever let him go.

Right now, he's on the couch next to me, sleeping soundly in the Boppy. I like to have him there, so I can watch him during the day. He just looks so sweet. I love to see him smile and make little sucking motions with his mouth in his sleep.

Most girls mentally prepare themselves their whole lives to have a baby. They play with baby dolls, coo over babies they encounter, imagine having an infant of their very own to hold and love. I never did those things. When I pictured myself being a mom one day, it was always to a child, not a baby. Never a baby. I only had nine months to wrap my brain around having a baby, and that's it. But I'll tell you what...

It's the best thing I've ever done.