Dr. visit update

So, I get to the doctor's office, and the lady at the window asks, why did you need to see the doctor? I told her, I just found out I was pregnant. She says are you sure that you're pregnant? I say, well, my period is two weeks late and I took a test that says I am! She says, I see, so what did you need the doctor to do?

Now, everything I've read, online, on the package insert for the test, in the book... it all says a positive test equals a call to your doctor. I'm feeling REALLY stupid and kinda confused at this point, and so I tell her, well, it said to see the doctor if the test was positive.

She says, who said? I tell her the box said. She says, what box? I'm like, the box for the preganancy test! She says, oh, okay, but I don't know what she's going to do for you. I say, well, I don't know either, I'm just doing what it said, and it said to call my doctor, and she's my doctor.

And then I started to cry, so she took my $30 and let me see the doctor.

This is so hard! Right now, I really and truly hate my mother for not being a normal mom, for not being there for me, for being such a mess that even if she were here I wouldn't want her to be. I feel so alone. I can't tell anyone, because it's too soon, and the doctor wants me to go back in a week because my blood pressure was high. Well, duh, I was CRYING when she took it, I would think that would mess with it a bit!

I feel like a total loser because I don't have a mom or any family here to help me, to to just be there with me, and I know it's not my fault that they are the way they are and that I'm better off not being around all that mess and drama, but still, it hurts. This is waaaay harder than getting married without a mom was. The doctor was surprised when I said that, and that I never told my mother that I got married, and that I don't want her in my child's life.

I'm freaking out because this means MORE doctor's visits in the upcoming weeks, and more time off and I can't say anything yet because I haven't been there a year yet (not until April 9th) and honestly, I don't trust them one bit.

In the end, my doctor talked to me, told me not to drink alcohol, smoke, or do drugs, and told me to wear my seatbelt and try not to go crazy with all the stuff I should and should not do when I am pregnant. She also gave me a referral to an ob-gyn and my REAL first prenatal appointment isn't until March 11. I'll be about 8, 8 1/2 weeks then. Does that seem kind of late?

I'm still sitting here crying because I feel like a total loser due to the friends and family situation. It sucks. I just want a normal mom who loves me and can be there, you know?