Thursday, February 21, 2008

Dr. visit update

So, I get to the doctor's office, and the lady at the window asks, why did you need to see the doctor? I told her, I just found out I was pregnant. She says are you sure that you're pregnant? I say, well, my period is two weeks late and I took a test that says I am! She says, I see, so what did you need the doctor to do?

Now, everything I've read, online, on the package insert for the test, in the book... it all says a positive test equals a call to your doctor. I'm feeling REALLY stupid and kinda confused at this point, and so I tell her, well, it said to see the doctor if the test was positive.

She says, who said? I tell her the box said. She says, what box? I'm like, the box for the preganancy test! She says, oh, okay, but I don't know what she's going to do for you. I say, well, I don't know either, I'm just doing what it said, and it said to call my doctor, and she's my doctor.

And then I started to cry, so she took my $30 and let me see the doctor.

This is so hard! Right now, I really and truly hate my mother for not being a normal mom, for not being there for me, for being such a mess that even if she were here I wouldn't want her to be. I feel so alone. I can't tell anyone, because it's too soon, and the doctor wants me to go back in a week because my blood pressure was high. Well, duh, I was CRYING when she took it, I would think that would mess with it a bit!

I feel like a total loser because I don't have a mom or any family here to help me, to to just be there with me, and I know it's not my fault that they are the way they are and that I'm better off not being around all that mess and drama, but still, it hurts. This is waaaay harder than getting married without a mom was. The doctor was surprised when I said that, and that I never told my mother that I got married, and that I don't want her in my child's life.

I'm freaking out because this means MORE doctor's visits in the upcoming weeks, and more time off and I can't say anything yet because I haven't been there a year yet (not until April 9th) and honestly, I don't trust them one bit.

In the end, my doctor talked to me, told me not to drink alcohol, smoke, or do drugs, and told me to wear my seatbelt and try not to go crazy with all the stuff I should and should not do when I am pregnant. She also gave me a referral to an ob-gyn and my REAL first prenatal appointment isn't until March 11. I'll be about 8, 8 1/2 weeks then. Does that seem kind of late?

I'm still sitting here crying because I feel like a total loser due to the friends and family situation. It sucks. I just want a normal mom who loves me and can be there, you know?

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9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

call me because i have some idea what you are feeling and i have a lot of info about what time away from work, etc you can receive. you know i know this...suzy (email if you dont have a phone # anymore) and btw::major congratulations!! yes your hormones will wreak havoc on you and everything will make you cry but you have an EXCELLENT reason for that!!!

5:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sara I am so sorry that you had such a hard time at your first appointment. I am sorry you are feeling so alone. That receptionist was a dummy. Usually the first appointment is sometime around 8 weeks, some OB's wont even see you that soon. So you are good to go on that. Try to keep your chin up. By your second OB appointment (around 12 weeks) you will get to hear little Bubba's heartbeat. That is the coolest!

Like I said before I know it has been quite a while since we spoke and we had a disagreement but I am still here if you want to talk. I have been through pregnancy and such and I know how it feels like to go it alone. I know it isnt the same as going to the MD with you and such but it may feel less alone, I dont know. My cell number hasnt changed. My email is Angibaby@comcast.net
Angi

5:47 PM  
Blogger BMT said...

You are right on track for your doctor appointments!!! and don't let the RUDE nurse/receptionist get you upset... she was just being a B*tch!!! Enjoy the changes your body is experiencing (hormones and all).....it is such a wonderful experience...

7:17 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

I am so sorry your first appointment was so emotional. And I totally understand about not having anyone to talk to about things. Thank God my MIL is so cool that I can call her and ask questions. We are TTC and I've been having a period on and off for 5 weeks and when I called to make an appointment with my doctor they told me she moved to Florida. So finally next THursday I get to see a nurse practitioner (sp?) in the office and try to find out what is wrong (although they all keep telling me I'm fine - don't feel fine.) But it totally SUCKS to not have anyone to talk to, and I completely understand the feeling of "loser" - BIG BIG HUGS TO YOU, and I know we don't know each other, but if ever need to talk comment me!!!
Lori

9:12 PM  
Blogger toners said...

I'm sorry that today was so emotional for you. I can relate to going through pregnancy without anyone around for support. DH and I are from the UK so we were all alone in the US going through our pregnancies. My relationship with my mom was already awful, and she continued with that through all my pregnancies...I felt very much alone at certain times. Please email me if you want to vent; toners@wispertel.net - and the timing of your next appointment sounds just like the ones I had, if that helps :) Hang in there!

11:21 PM  
Blogger Zee said...

What an idiot nurse! As said by others 8 weeks is right on schedule as the little peanut is big enough to see at that point! Yay!

As for the friends and family thing. I totally understand! I honestly don't remember how much I shared on my blog but my mom(whom I'm on speaking terms with again, but is just as much a basket case as before) disowned me just two weeks before Asa was born, and NO one from my family has made an attempt to come see him. Yes I saw them all when I went home, but still. The hardest was when Asa was back in the hospital with Jaundice and I was alone with him. I broke down the one day because my mom had chose her abusive husband over me and we had always been so close. Not to mention that my brother called to wish me luck the night before and then attempted to take his life, which I knew in my heart he was going to do, but I was 1200 miles away. So you are really not alone sweety. I know I am not physically there but if you ever need to chat, vent or want advice then I am hear for you ANYTIME!

My advice right now, is to not let anyone steal away your joy. It's not always easy but it can be done. This is a great time for you and your hubby, so enjoy it! Enjoy every minute! oh, and take your prenatal vitamins! And I found when the hunger kicks in, and it will and often a strange times, a glass of carnation breakfast chocolate milk, was a great snack, especially late night, plus it's chalk full of vitamins and such.

Did I mention how happy I am for you? Hehehe

11:50 AM  
Anonymous Lynne said...

omg, we so need an effed up mothers club!
i'll be your mama, sara. truly.

4:38 PM  
Anonymous wendy said...

Oh Sara. I'm so sorry your first appointment was so disappointing b/c of the nurse... and no, you weren't crazy. both times I was positive on the stick I was at my doctor within a week...

I know you will be an amazing momma under any circumstance Sara. Trust your instincts. Hang in there! and many hugs dearie!!

wendyc

6:07 PM  
Blogger kingsqueen said...

I know that this is late in the game for this post, but I just found your blog. I'm sorry too that the receptionist was such a turd. You were right to come in. They usually want to verify it at the doctor's office. But my ob didn't do first appts. until 12 weeks, which I thought was late. So at 8 weeks I guess you get in earlier than some! :)
Congratulations on your pregnancy. I also saw that you were on a msg. board, but left. You could check out the ones at Baby Names World. I joined a group for mommies due the month I was and most of us still update each other almost two years later. It was really nice having a support group (even if online) of women at the same stage of pregnancy, then baby stages as I was.
Congrats again.
(I guess I'm a bit voyueristic too in that I like reading blogs!)

5:27 PM  

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