Thursday, February 21, 2008

Today is the day

I have my doctor's appointment today. Emotions?

Nervous - check!
Excited - check!
Scared - check!
Worried - check!

I don't know, it kinda hasn't seemed entirely REAL up to this point. I know I took the test, I know it said positive, I know I haven't been visited by Flo, I know I'm having symptoms... but I keep having this feeling like someone is gonna yell "PSYCH!!!" and the joke will be on me. The digital display on the test stopped working a few days after I took it, but while it was there I would check it several times a day, just to be sure that it didn't change it's mind or something.

It feels like this is it... going to the doctor and having her verify it will make it more real somehow. I'm scared that she will tell me I am wrong, because I already love this thing that we may or may not have made. Isn't that crazy? How can you love something that you're not even sure exists? But I do... I'm sure I do.

Last night, we ran to Target for some things and I was looking though a baby name book. It seriously had every name EVER, including my father's name (Wenceslao). Pretty impressive! Anyway, my husband and I were tossing around name ideas, and looking up the meanings. One of the names was Yo. He was like, we can say, What up, Yo?

I said NO WAY.

But it was fun. We were cracking up and just having a good time, thinking about us and our baby and our future together. It was nice.

I think one of my biggest hopes for myself as a mother, besides obviously being a GOOD mother, is that I don't become one of those mightier-than-thou types who thinks they are superior and therefore more important than those around me who have not had children yet, for whatever reason. I've had so many friendships come and go because they had kids and treated me like my time was less important, and they were too busy, but I should be there no matter what. I actually had one person tell me that they didn't have TIME to read my blog, because they had kids. Uh, but you have time to post on twopeas and watch TV? But then if I were ever busy or unavailable I was the one being a bad friend. Whatever.

I want to be a good mom, but I don't want that to end up being my ENTIRE identity, if that makes sense.

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Blogger toners said...

Sending you lots of luck for today! That first appointment is so exciting :) Enjoy this whole experience - and I think it's great that you're blogging it!

10:29 AM  
Anonymous Jess said...

Hope all went well for you today!

3:44 PM  

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