Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Rain, Root Beer Floats, and Packing Tape

It's raining really, really hard. Pouring actually.

Normally, I am a fan of a nice, heavy summer storm. The monsoon is usually my friend. But not tonight. Oh no. See, the skies have consipired against me on this evening.

You know how some old timers claim that they know when it is going to rain based on various aches and pains in their bodies? Well, I have the same deal going.

Only I crave ice cream.

Now, this makes it kind of difficult for me, seeing as how I pretty much crave ice cream all the time. But when it rains, man, the craving HURTS.

And is there any ice cream in my house? NO. Why? Because I decided to go to healthy eating yet again this week. I am such a loser.

I mean, I come from a LONG line of addicts. I am the only person that my mom knows who has never, ever, ever tried any illegal drugs, not even pot, which she claims is not really a drug because it's just a plant that comes from nature and therefore safe to smoke. Uh, okay mom.

I haven't gotten to this point without trying them because I am a goody two shoes that wants to join the war on drugs and just say no! I'll also say that I haven't gotten to this point because I simply didn't care to try them. Oh, I admit, my curiosity has been piqued on more than one occasion. The thing is, I know that I come from a long line of people who like to get addicted to things, and therefore I am far more likely to get addicted to things too. So instead of sparking up the occasional bud or having a little Valium here or there to take the edge off, I eat ice cream. AND I HAVE NO ICE CREAM!!!!

So what's the big deal? You are probably thinking to yourself. Get in the car, go buy some ice cream already. So you get a little damp. Albertsons has Dreyer's buy-one-get-one free!

Here's the thing. We drive a hooptie. Let me rephrase that: We drive a broke-down, lame ass GHETTO hooptie. My husband and I went four long, horrible years without a single vehicle between the two of us. It was awful. We were dependent on public transportation, which is NOT reliable (or really healthy in 115 degree heat, by the way) and taxi cabs to get where we needed to go.

All that changed though, last November. One of my husband's co-workers was going to move to Boston, and she did not feel like dragging her old car with her across the country. She asked if we would like it.

For Free.


We were all over that like certain 5th grade teachers on certain PE teachers. (Don't ask, I'm not telling!) Who turns down a FREE car? Sure, she said it had little problems, but hey, it was FREE!!!

Three days after we got it, it rained. The windshield leaks. One spot right over the driver, one right over the passenger, and one right over the gear selector on the console. It's like it was planned that way, eerie!

So it's not good to drive in the rain.

Then someone stole one of our headlight covers. Why? Why steal ONE headlight cover? Oh wait...yup you guessed it, the other was gone two weeks later. Grrr.

Did you know that if you drove at night with your headlights exposed and on in the rain, it will cause said exposed headlights to BURST???

So it's REALLY not good to drive in the rain.

So here I am, craving ice cream so bad it hurts, and the husband is DAWDLING because he thinks it's funny. He does the dishes and cleans the kitchen in a very methodical manner BEFORE he sits down to eat dinner. He chews each bite 5000 times before swallowing. He finds time to give what he believes is a witty diatribe between bites about what is being showed on the television. He pauses to savor and contemplate the utter beauty and bold flavor complexity that is Chicken flavored Lipton Noodles and Sauce. I am ready to hit him.

Sure enough, as he stands up to take is plate to the sink, I hear a sad sound. The rain has started up and now we can't go buy ice cream. It won't be on sale anymore tomorrow. I want to cry.

An hour goes by. It's still raining. He's thinking this is really funny and keeps looking at me and giggling. Desperation sets in. I grab an umbrella and a $10 out of my wallet and I tell husband LET'S GO. I think he is convinced I am crazy, so scared is he to tell me that he thinks that I am crazy.

The rain has flooded over the grassy areas and has completely gone over the sidewalks. There is a fast running stream in the driveway that we must cross to reach our car (I like to call it the G Ride, G being for Ghetto) and it has to be a good five inches deep. The rain is falling so hard that it is sheeting off the edges of the covered parking structures.

I open the car and find what I was looking for: a roll of clear packing tape.

Now, you may wonder, why didn't they just buy new headlight covers? That's what I was wondering too when some fool stole ours. Apparently, you can't just buy headlight covers for our car, you have to buy a whole new headlight assembly. Those retail at $200 EACH. I don't think our 1989 Mercury Cougar with the leaky windshield and over 100,000 miles is worth $400. So we go without and just try to stay off the road at night when it rains.

Anyway, so I take the packing tape, and the big wad of paper towels I got from in the house, and proceed to dry and then tape over the gaping socket where our last remaining headlight (replacement bulb #5!!!) sits. My husband stands there and laughs at me. Some guy watches us from across the way while standing in another covered parking spot with his dog. The people who park next to us come home halfway through the job, and you can see them trying not to stare. I have no shame though. I just have my craving for the ice cream.

Let's just say that this post is being brought to you, not by Miss M this time, but by Dreyer's ice cream and Scotch Brand clear packing tape. Thank you very much!


Blogger Melissa said...

OMG!!! You are cracking me up girl!! I love it. I can relate with the coming from the family of addicts and not trying any illegal drugs too. I am however addicted to coca cola(notice how I didn't put coke there).At least I admit it. I am trying not to drink so much soda but alas I fail...
The rain was CRAZY last night!!! I couldn't believe it. I am glad you got your ice cream, you are so determined and funny!
Have a good day girl

7:05 AM  
Blogger Alexandra Wieckowski said...

LOL!!! Oh my god, you have the funniesst adventures! Ice cream is delicious, hope you enjoyed it! Actually, I know you enjoyed it :D

5:09 PM  
Blogger Miss M! said...

Hell yeah I enjoyed it! Had some for breakfast today too!


7:19 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

you are too funny! i love it

9:19 PM  
Blogger The Knotty Girl said...

Scotch brand clear packing tape is one of my favorite items ever!

3:14 PM  

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