Not Tired

Tonight my husband tucked the boy into bed. I went in and gave my son a kiss and hug goodnight, then I turned off the lamp and closed the door on my way out of the room.

Well, an hour later the dog needed attention (I don't go outside at night, too scary) so I went in to roust my husband. I was surprised to find both him and the baby still awake. He told me that right after I had closed the door he heard Bubba slide out of bed, walk over to the table with the lamp, and then click! It was on again.

Little booger.

I ended up laying down with him while my husband attended to the dogs. He would lay his face right up against mine. I'm talking squashing his features into my face! I'd scoot my head back a bit, and he would just move his face forward some more until he was squished up against me again. This continued until he had scooted me all the way across my pillow and I was in danger of falling off the bed.

It's so strange the little things that he will do to soothe himself. There have been a few nights where he wouldn't settle unless I let him have his finger in my mouth, tapping my teeth. He also will stroke my pillowcase (it's satin so I don't get wrinkly in my sleep!) and sleep horizontally, using a pillow as a blanket.

I hear people ask all the time, WHY are you letting that boy sleep in your bed??? It's funny because I never ever thought I'd be a co-sleeper. In fact, that baby ONLY slept in his crib or on the floor (with an occasional stint at my side on the couch in the Boppy) until he was ten months old. I was so paranoid about SIDS that I was playing every odd I came across. Having a fan in the room decreases the odds? I had two. Crib bumpers increases them? I didn't even consider buying one. Pacifiers decrease them? Bring on the binkies! Bucked teeth be damned! And of course, there was co-sleeping. Since that was in the "increases the odds" category, it was just not going to happen. Not on my watch.

That doesn't mean I didn't think about it. Oh man, there were nights when I would just lay in bed and stare at that crib and want nothing more than to pull my boy out and bring him to bed with me so we could have a good snuggle. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I've always slept with my dogs, so having a little organic space heater next to me was pretty much second nature. Maybe it was that new mother instinct. Whatever it was, it was strong, but I resisted it.

Then when he was about ten or eleven months, I discovered that if I took him out of the crib when he woke up in the morning and immediately put him in bed with me that he would go back to sleep and sleep TWO MORE HOURS. Easily. Sometimes three.

Hallelujah, people. I am so not a morning person. I was always very careful though, taking all the pillows (including mine) off the bed and having him slightly higher than my head so I wouldn't accidentally cover him with the blanket.

Well, somehow he started waking up earlier, so he was spending more hours in the mornings with us in bed. Then he started to not want to go to bed at all, so we would put him to sleep in our bed and then transfer him to the crib. Then sometimes whoever was putting him to sleep *cough*husband*cough* would fall asleep too (the boy is DANGEROUSLY snuggly!) and he would end up being in our bed all night long.

Next thing you know, he's celebrating his first birthday and we've got a family bed. Huh. I wasn't terribly worried about it anymore at this point, because he could roll over and crawl and all that good stuff that drastically reduced any chances of him being smothered in his sleep.

I'm not going to lie to you. I love love love sleeping with this baby. I love rolling over and being inches away from his angelic little sleepy face. I love hearing those whispery baby snores up close. I love when he rolls over and snuggles up against me. I especially love when he lays with his back against me so that our spines are lined up together. And best of all, I love waking up to his smiling face in the morning.

Like I said before, I am not a morning person at all. I hate waking up. I hate that groggy, stupid feeling I have as my brain feebly attempts to adjust to the morning. If there is something that can make this better, I'm all for it. Right now, that would be waking up to a little man who wakes up alert and chattery and happy and demands my phone almost first thing. I hug him, and we have a snuggle, some kisses, maybe a little tickle session or two before starting our morning routine of a visit to the potty before breakfast. He makes what's usually a really hard and crappy transition period for me be a little more joyful and who can't use a little more joy in their lives, am I right?

Yeah, I know it's going to suck when he has to start going to bed at a "normal" hour. And it's going to suck when he has to start sleeping on his own, in a room separate from ours. Here's the thing about that though - that will happen when it happens. I have not been one of those "I can't wait" moms up to this point and I surely don't plan on starting now. I want to enjoy every moment of this boy without lamenting about how much better things will be once he can do X or hits milestone Y.

Yes I know he will have to start going to bed early once he gets to school, but school is still three years out from now, maybe more, so why worry about that now? Let him sleep in and stay up late and get to spend time with his father. Yes I know eventually he will be too big for our bed, and let's be honest, we're going to want our privacy back too. But for right now, neither of us minds him being there so why worry? I've had him sleep on his own a few times since we started co-sleeping, and I think it was harder for me than it was for him. I missed my baby at my side.

Y'all can talk to me about it when he's six and still in my bed! I promise though, he won't be. :)