Thursday, March 25, 2010


I was reading through the archives of my latest blog discovery, and I came across a post about girlfriends. The part that really struck me was this paragraph:

Now that I'm twenty something-or-other I'd really like more cool girls to hang out with every now and again. Did I miss the sign up sheet? I just want to meet up and have drinks at happy hour. When I have one too many drinks at said happy hour, I want to be able to trust that you won't let me drive home. You will drive me home and then pour me another glass of wine, duh I'm not done. I want to be your friend when you're having a shitty day, although I don't want to only be your friend when you're having a shitty day. I need for you to be able to talk about something, anything, nothing other than yourself from time to time. When I ask you if you want to meet up, I want you to say "hell yes" instead of telling me all of the reasons why you can't. I want you to laugh with me, cry with me, hate with me. And I promise to do the same for you.

She just totally described something that I've been feeling lately that I didn't even fully realize I had been feeling lately. I think I'm lonely. Yeah, I have the moms in our playgroup, and friends who are girls, but I don't have a group of girls, or even someone that I can call a best friend, of my own. I can't say that I'm gonna call up "my girls" because I don't really HAVE girls. Heck, I'm not even greedy. I'd be happy with one person to be my best friend.

Yeah, I had a best friend. But if you read what Brown Girl wrote in that paragraph, THAT is the kind of best friend relationship that I want. The last few years with exBFF were not like that. All I ever heard about were her shitty days - mine could never be as shitty as hers, because I had a husband, I had a baby, I didn't have to go to a job I hated with a boss who was mean to me. My problems were always put on the back burner because we always had to talk about if she could "do this" and if she could be in this relationship or if she could move out of her mom's house or if she could buy a car or if she could leave this job. I didn't have to worry about those things, so I wasn't as important. If I called her and wanted to meet up, she was always too busy, because she had to clean or she had to do work, or she had to meet up with her boy/girlfriend, or she was too tired. There was always a reason why she couldn't.

So really, my "best" friend was anything but. I've been needing a best friend for so long that I needed one when I thought I already HAD one! How's that for a crappy realization? Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I want her back AT ALL. Obviously, she was a bad friend and I realize that now. Also, at my age you probably don't want to hang with someone who is skank enough to post "Girl parts are like a spider web - sometimes you catch stuff you don't want!" as her Facebook status. (husband is still friends with her; no clue why. I saw it on his feed. He checks on the TV. I was NOT snooping.)

But geez, is it too much to ask for someone who wants to hang out with you? Who looks forward to spending time with you even if it's just doing nothing? Someone with whom you can share stories and laughs and interests? Someone who believes that true friendship is about support and honesty and caring and not about lying and being two faced? Heck, someone who believes in true friendship period, and not just amassing large numbers of acquaintances who only like you on a superficial level?

Maybe it is. Boo.

(Today is the day I said I was going to try running again. My thighs HURT. It's also 4 am and I have yet to go to bed because insomnia has decided that it DOES want to be my friend. Boo again)

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Blogger Katy and Chris said...

Oh, how much do I feel this! AND when you're our age, it gets so much harder to MEET people. I moved here 3 years ago, and still mostly only have friends that are my fiance's friends' wives. Nice enough, but I want MY friends. I want someone who lives close enough that I can call and go for a walk. Or, yeah, grab a drink at happy hour. Or, or, or...this is your post, I'll stop. But OH how I get this!

5:01 AM  
Blogger Preppy Mama said...

Oh I hear you on this one. I have a wonderful rare friend, but I swear my mother could have written this post. Women are tough. BTW, go try on those Frye boots!


6:01 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

awww - I'm sorry. :( I agree with the PP, it's hard to meet people now. Come to Seattle, I'm always up for some wine!!

7:34 AM  
Blogger Felicia said...

I have 3 really good friends...but they all live far away. So there is no way I can call them up for happy hour. I feel you. I do work in if you want to meet for lunch sometime we can hang. (:

8:53 AM  
Blogger AZAnjanette said...

I think you, me and Felicia should meet up for lunch since I also work in chandler. That would be FUN!

I too could use some go-to girls. Problem is that my husband is very stingy with my time. I think he likes to micromanage me more than my boss. BOO.

2:49 PM  
Blogger Maggi said...

If I lived closer, I'd be one of your girls, for sure. I have a similar problem. There are girls at church but no one I'm particularly close to.

8:05 AM  
Blogger Samara Link said...

I've had similar conversations with woman our age, and I know you are not alone in feeling like this. It becomes kind of difficult to meet people sometimes! Especially when you aren't in work or school with a group regularly. I think it's also interesting how some are the kind who like a few good friends and others like a ton of people that they associate with but aren't that close to. The right people are out there for you. They are!

4:20 PM  
Blogger TracyClark said...

I feel the same way all of the time. I just realized this year that one of my oldest friends is also the worst "friend" I have. I hope one day I can move closer to Chandler and we can just shoot the shit with eachother. Sometimes we just need someone that is just as loyal as we are to them. Let me know if you ever want to hang and get the kids together and I'll do my best not to make an excuse about distance.

7:55 PM  
Blogger Hooptee said...

I feel this too. It's nice to see all the comments above me that a lot of women have this problem. It's hard. Another reason why I hope you and the random mom get together again and hit it off some more. How great would that be to have a bff in the neighborhood!

1:01 PM  

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