Worry
Yesterday, after I finished my entry here, I went over to the mommy board that I joined to catch up. It seems that Friday, not one, but two of our members lost their babies, both at 28 weeks.
My heart goes out to them, but of course, being pregnant and OCD, I can't help but think about how this relates to me. Can this happen to me? Will it happen to me? What are the odds it would happen again in our group? Hell, what were the odds it would happen not only once, not only twice, but twice in the same day?
When I first found out I was pregnant I joined a board, but only lasted there a few weeks because every other thread was about losing a baby... who did, who might, what were the symptoms, what were the odds. I just couldn't be thinking about that everyday, so I just stopped reading.
Once I got out of the first trimester, and things were "safer" I found a new board, because, let's face it, I'm still pretty clueless about this baby/pregnancy thing. But now, with this, I don't know.
Does it ever go away? The worry, the fear...probably not. You make it to delivery day and then you have to worry about SIDS, you have to worry about illness, you have to worry about baby stealers. I know I should try to no worry, that's the common sense thing to do, but then again, obsessive compulsion is the nature of the beast here. It's terrible when your first waking thought is about what happened this weekend to those poor women, and you just can't let it go.
I just have to keep busy, that's all, I think.
My heart goes out to them, but of course, being pregnant and OCD, I can't help but think about how this relates to me. Can this happen to me? Will it happen to me? What are the odds it would happen again in our group? Hell, what were the odds it would happen not only once, not only twice, but twice in the same day?
When I first found out I was pregnant I joined a board, but only lasted there a few weeks because every other thread was about losing a baby... who did, who might, what were the symptoms, what were the odds. I just couldn't be thinking about that everyday, so I just stopped reading.
Once I got out of the first trimester, and things were "safer" I found a new board, because, let's face it, I'm still pretty clueless about this baby/pregnancy thing. But now, with this, I don't know.
Does it ever go away? The worry, the fear...probably not. You make it to delivery day and then you have to worry about SIDS, you have to worry about illness, you have to worry about baby stealers. I know I should try to no worry, that's the common sense thing to do, but then again, obsessive compulsion is the nature of the beast here. It's terrible when your first waking thought is about what happened this weekend to those poor women, and you just can't let it go.
I just have to keep busy, that's all, I think.
Labels: about me
Miss M told you so @ 1:09 PM
1 Comments:
It's always hard to hear about someone losing a baby. Especially when you are pregnant yourself. And the worry doesn't stop. You are correct that there is always a new one. You just try to leave each day as it comes and truly, after the baby comes you won't be able to do it any differently.
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