Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Truth vs. Opinions

JASON VAN LEW, you're not gonna do a damn thing with me. You're absolutely right, this has turned into a nightmare. I know that you are normally not the type of person to get into any kind of drama, and that's one of the things I like about you. However, I do understand that HOLLY is your wife, and therefore you need to stick up for her. Phone calls actually do work to contact me, but see, I have this thing called a job now, which I have to work during the day, and I can't really be fielding calls on my cell. It's kinda frowned upon. Your wife would have realized I had one of these if she could be bothered to make time for her "friends" on a more regular basis. I really don't see how having a job makes me a coward, seeing as how you have one too. I didn't feel like calling her back because A) I had already decided I was done with her and B) she kinda told me not to.

You seem to be of the opinion that it may "help" me in realizing that she is an actual person and not some inanimate object that I can just "blast" on my blog, but I feel that it would likewise behoove her to realize that I am a real person too, with feelings. As far as I'm concerned at this point, Holly DESERVES to be crying. I hope she cries just as much as I have cried, and then some. I hope she realizes what it feels like to be hurt down to the VERY ESSENCE of your being. Did she show any inkling that she cared that her "one comment," which was supposedly a joke, hurt me even though she knew about how I cried that night? Nope. I got NOTHING. So why should I care that she called you crying?

Does she care that I've had a stomachache since I talked to my husband on Saturday night? Does she care that I've started to have panic attacks and nightmares for the first time since I started my medication for my anxiety disorders? Does she care that this situation has affected me where I live and work because I'm so upset and stressed about it? Does she care that I've questioned the very foundation of my being? Does she care I got to the point where I've wished that I just weren't Mexican or even that I was suicidal?

You may feel that my blog is childish, but this is mine. It's my honest thoughts and how I work through my feelings about things. Just because someone's viewpoints differ from yours doesn't make them childish, and it doesn't give you the right to call them that, or any other derogatory term. I could keep a handwritten journal, or talk to a therapist, or even vent to my friends. This is the medium I chose.

Yup, I've known Holly for over 6 years. I too held her as a friend. The thing is, I feel that if you hurt a friend, whether it was on purpose or it was a joke, you still do something about it. That is why it hurts the most, which is what she's not seeing. She KNEW that her words hurt me and she didn't do a damn thing about it. She threw out six years of friendship based on PRIDE.

As far as my friend (A)'s Ex, you're missing a critical point: he is NO FRIEND of mine. I'm no hypocrite. You treat friends like they are valuable, because they are. Not only is he not valuable, he hurt one of mine who is. He fucked her up badly, therefore, that man is no skin off my back.

At this point, I do realize that the situation has been blown completely out of proportion. I also hope that your wife realizes that the whole thing could have been prevented with a simple phone call and an apology, ESPECIALLY if it was supposedly a joke. I will point out, however, that if I made a "joke" to a black person and used the "N" word, I don't think they'd be okay with that. Heck, they would probably be offended, "joke" or not, so that is no "get out of jail free" card. I figured that she would know that.

I don't have a problem with anyone knowing that the party my husband attended was Holly's graduation party from pharmacy school. As I said before, I showed respect for her by not going, because that was no place for a confrontation. That night was about her, NOT me. It would have been completely inappropriate and ignorant for me to have gone. The fact that she chose to use that occasion to "confront" my husband has nothing to do with me. She could have called him before hand, or she could have called him the next day. The fact that it was her gradutation party is really irrelevant here.

I am pretty sure that she would appreciate if I were to address her as Dr. Holly, as that is her title now. She didn't earn anything from me though, she earned it through school. She says that I've changed since she met me. Well, of course I have. We were all 21-22 years old then, all about a good time and hanging out and how drunk we were going to get this weekend and boyfriend/girlfriend issues. Now we're pushing thirty and married, and the only boy/girl issues we have are whether or not to have some of our own and how many. I serously would hope that I've changed and grown at least a little bit. The thing is, your wife needs to look in the mirror before she starts using the "you've changed" in an accusatory tone. These days it seems that she's all about the bigger house and the newest car and the money and the title. I'd venture to say that she's changed too.

Whether or not we will ever talk again is not up in the air. I want nothing to do with her. I can't waste my life and energy caring about people who obviously have not a damn care in the world about me. Whether you care or not, that's a non-issue. You're her husband, and I fully expect you to support her, right or wrong. I was there when you took that vow. I don't expect you to want to see me either.

So yeah, I won't be wasting any energy caring about people like your wife. I suppose that you can add Crystal to that list, since I know that's the ONLY way that you could have possibly seen any communication between (A)'s Ex and myself. The fact that Holly is seeming to want to blame her for "isolating herself" with me is another clue, as well as the fact that Crystal hasn't called (A) since her "intervention" where she professed to care so dang much about her. You don't go a month without talking to someone that you love and who is supposed to be your best friend!

See, there is another critical difference between me and your wife. I read about how upset (A) was in her blog the next day and I called her THAT DAY to apologize for my role in the situtation. I explained that I still worried about her but I realized that she was right that we were wrong to have ambushed her in that way. I realized that I hurt someone I cared about, so I took care of what was needed because I care about my friendship with (A).

I don't know why you would think that you calling my husband to "come out and hang with the guys" has anything to do with me. You're absolutely right, it doesn't. What he does and who he hangs out with is his business. If you were inviting him merely to piss me off, it would be different, but I know you well enough to know that you don't think that way. Remember Jason, I don't have a problem with you.

And as for your comment, no, it will NOT be deleted for its content. I only have one rule around here, and that is NO ANONYMOUS COMMENTS. They at least have to have a name signed to them, and yours does. I don't have a problem with differing opinions, as long as they are presented in a neutral and not malicious way. I feel that if the person expressing them feels strongly enough to post them, they should have the cojones to own them. The thing is, what you wrote, that is YOUR truth, and that is HER truth. To me, it's merely an opinion.


Blogger em said...

Man it sounds like you are having a rough week. I don't really have any great words of wisdom...but I sure hope things get better!!

4:25 PM  

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