Farewell, Fat Ass! Friday - Aug 26

Here's my weigh in for this morning:

That brings me down two and a half pounds this week and three from when I started. I'm pleased since I had some *ahem* hormonal issues if you know what I mean and may have eaten a whole package of Oreo cookies over the course of the week. I just was careful to fit them in with my daily calorie allowance as outlined on Lose It.

I now have two weeks of boot camp under my belt. I feel like I'm still struggling a lot there because of my knee and because I go in with just a couple of hours of sleep under my belt, but the trainer told me that I am looking stronger. Yesterday I was so tired that I really didn't want to go. I had slept maybe three hours, tops and just wanted to stay in bed. My body was really sore from the workout on Tuesday too and I was thinking about how nice it would be to just sleep through it.

But no; I forced my exhausted body out of bed and hauled it down to class and yawned/limped through the whole thing. You're allowed to work at your own pace but I try really hard to keep up with the other girls because the only person I'd be cheating is myself if I didn't. I don't know if it was the lack of sleep, or the tiredness my body was feeling from that mixed with the workout from Tuesday, or if the little packet of trail mix I had before class wasn't enough to fuel me for that much activity, but I was struggling.

I found myself feeling like I was not getting enough air to breathe. I know this is not unusual when you start to exercise after being sedentary for a long time, but this felt a bit different. Usually when I get like that, it's like a harsh burning in my lungs and they feel like they are going to explode. This time it felt like someone was sitting on my chest and that was limiting my lung capacity.

Then, in the second half of the class I had everything go spotty and light twice. I just stopped what I was doing until the feeling passed. The instructor had warned me on the first day that might happen, and to just take as long as I needed if it did. Therefore, I wasn't worried about it. As someone who has gone to the gym and taken classes before, I know that getting lightheaded when you exercise after being sedentary for a long time is not uncommon. The instructor didn't seem overly concerned, and since I knew about the possibility of this happening, neither was I.

But I posted about it on Facebook.

I got a message later in the day from someone I don't even know basically telling me that based on what I described I am on track for a heart attack, to stop exercising IMMEDIATELY and to get an EKG or I'm going to die. Look, I know I'm overweight. I know I love unhealthy foods. Yes, I'm mostly sedentary, but I'm working on it. Yes, my maternal grandfather died of a heart attack so there is some history of heart disease in my family. Yes, I eat butter. I also know that the problem with my diet is not so much what I eat but I how much I eat. Exercise is going to make me struggle at this point. That's just how it is.

I had a physical in March, and one the previous March with bloodwork. I'm completely healthy with the exception of slightly elevated Triglycerides. My overall cholesterol is 180, and my blood pressure is excellent. I'm just fat and lazy. I told her this, and based on her experience with some training in nursing and having been married to a doctor, she still insisted that I get an EKG. Do you know what I see when I see those letters? EKG may as well be $$$. I can't afford that! My husband said he'd go into debt to make sure I was healthy, but we already did that last November when I was in the hospital. We still owe money for that. We're BROKE. Our insurance sucks. It would be cheaper for me to just die of a heart attack.

She then went on to tell me that maybe God had put her in my life for a reason, to see that status and to warn me. Okay, let me get this straight - now you're using my faith to further freak me out, like you hadn't done it bad enough already? It's interesting too, because one of the things we were talking about in my Bible study this week was being careful of people who become too familiar too fast, because they could be another way the devil tries to undermine what you're supposed to be doing. So was she sent by God to be a warning or by Satan to fill me with worry and doubt? It could go either way.

So now I go from, oh, I had a hard day at boot camp because my body was exhausted and I didn't give it enough fuel/rest to OMG I AM GOING TO DIE, because that's how my lovely OCD riddled mind works. Every time I think about it (which is often, see the O of OCD) I start to cry. I'm totally freaked out now and don't know what to do about it. Going to the doctor is NOT an option, unless someone wants to send me a couple thousand dollars to cover the expense. We even went online last night to see if we qualified for our state's medicaid program, which of course, we don't.

So to recap where I am right now:

Yay! I lost three pounds but what does it matter because I have a dog that I can't get rid of that is going to bite my baby and oh yeah, I AM GOING TO DIE. Have a great weekend, Sara!

*sigh*

Why do people have to be such sensationalists? It's like when I posted a photo of one of the spiders that roam around here, wanting to know what it was and some guy that I barely remember from high school posted that ALL SPIDERS ARE POISONOUS and that I needed to have my entire house fumigated. Um, okay dude, let me get on that. Sheesh.

I need to clean out my Facebook friend list, that's what I need to do.