How to Feed A Baby in 17 Easy Steps
1. Notice that the baby will be due for a feeding in the next 30 minutes or so.
2. Feel frustrated because he JUST fell asleep a few minutes ago.
3. Debate just letting him sleep until he wakes up, but then decide that you know better.
4. Warm up breastmilk and pour into bottle.
5. Gently wake up sleeping baby. Smile at how cute he is as he stretches and coos.
6. Place nipple in baby's mouth. Watch him suck for, oh, maybe a minute before he falls asleep again.
7. Gently tickle baby's feet to wake him up.
8. Gently blow on his face to see if that works.
9. Wiggle nipple in baby's mouth because that might help.
10. Feel relieved when he starts sucking again.
11. Be irritated when he stops almost immediately.
12. Repeat steps 7-11 four or five more times.
13. Give up in frustration and decide to let him sleep after all.
14. Place baby in crib.
15. Decide that you could use a nap too, and lay down in bed.
16. Start to drift off to sleep. The second that you do this, the baby will sense it, wake up, and start to wail.
17. Now the baby is sufficiently awake to take the rest of his bottle!