Thursday, May 20, 2010
I try to "choose the light" so to speak, and to find the bright sides of things, but honestly, I'm only human. Sometimes you just get a day that sucks so dang hard all you can do is sit down and cry. Today is one of those days.
The baby was just in one of those moods where nothing made him happy. He screamed at me all day. He wanted in my lap, but when I put him there, he'd scream and writhe until I put him down. I tried watercoloring with him, but he screamed at me because I wouldn't let him chew the brush or paint his arms. I tried playing with wooden sorters on the ground with him, but he just threw them. I tried reading to him, but he didn't want to sit by me. I wasn't feeding him fast enough because I was waiting until he didn't have a mouthful to give him the next bite. I wasn't letting him pinch me. I wasn't letting him pull on my arm and shirt. I wasn't letting him play in the toilet. I was just the source of all his misery and he was going to let me know it.
After the baby finally decided my husband calls me and I asked him where the all purpose cleaner is so I can clean the mess the baby made in the bathroom. He says to me, well, it's under the kitchen sink, but the sprayer is broken.
Well, I made chicken last night for dinner, as you might know, and before I seasoned it and put it in the roasting pan I had to rinse it out and dry it with paper towels. I did this in the kitchen sink, on the right hand side. I told my husband after dinner that the reason there were no dishes there was because it needed to be sanitized. That's where the raw chicken was.
So, as you can imagine, the news that the spray bottle didn't work set off red flags in my head. This is how the conversation went:
Me - If the spray bottle is broken, what did you use to clean the sink?
H - Paper towels.
Me - WHAT? You used paper towels??? Like, you just wiped out the sink with them?
H - Yeah.
Me - That's it? Nothing else?
H - Well, I used water.
Me - Just water?
H - It was all I had.
Because we don't have ANY soap. Because he couldn't have unscrewed the top from the cleaner and poured it on the paper towels. Because he couldn't have found some other cleaner under the cupboard. Nope, water was all we had. After I questioned him more about why on Earth he thought this was okay, he says, oh well, there was soap in the sink too. I told him there was a big difference between there being soap in the sink from when he was washing dishes and him using soap to lather up the sides and actually wash the sink itself. He tells me that yes, that's what he did. So my question is this:
When I asked him what he used to clean the sink, if he did indeed use soap, why wouldn't he have said soap instead of FREAKING PAPER TOWELS???
Have you ever talked to a little kid who is telling you something and they are obviously trying to cover up what they said so they won't get in trouble? Well, I have, lots of times, and this is what this whole situation is reminding me of. He doesn't understand at all why I don't believe him. To him, his story didn't change at all. To me, it did.
More worrisome to me though is that this is our health we're talking about here. Salmonella is no joke, especially when you're talking about your child. Babies get sick from this stuff so easily and it affects them so much worse. I've been in the kitchen today. I've touched the sink. I've touched my bread container in the fridge. I've touched the flour in the flour bin. I've touched the counters. I've touched the stove, and the oven, and the knobs. I've touched both my and the baby's water bottles. I touched the cutting board that I put my bread upon to cool. I've touched the fridge and I've touched the bread I baked today.
I. HAVE. TOUCHED. EVERYTHING.
This isn't even counting stuff like my phone, my mouse, doorknobs, the wedding bouquet I finished today for my sister in law... it's seriously a cross contamination nightmare at this point. I have to throw out all my flour and I just bought some! I have to throw away that fresh loaf of bread! I have to throw away the dough in the fridge! I have to scrub every surface in my kitchen because I can't know for certain that I didn't touch it after I was in the sink area. This is how I'm going to spend my evening.
I know that there are going to be some people out there who totally are reading this and thinking that I'm over reacting, and that's fine. I get it. That's the problem with OCD - you know that you'll probably be fine, but you don't want to take the chance. Seriously, if that baby were to get sick and I didn't know that I had done everything in my power to prevent it, I could never live with myself. Sure, it's a small chance, but there's still a chance and I'd rather not take it.
So yeah, I'm pretty dang pissed at my husband. When I explained to him why, he got all defensive and said that if I didn't believe him I could just clean everything. I told him that HE should have to clean everything, but guess what? He's at a baseball game and won't be home until after ten. This means that if I want dinner for me and the boy, I have to do it.
Of course, I had planned on going to buy a shirt for the baby's baptism this evening, but someone didn't make that connection when I told him so. I honestly thought baseball games were during the day. You always see commercials and hear stories about people ditching work to catch the game and then getting busted by their boss because he's there too. He said he thought I knew they were at night. I asked him why would I tell him I wanted to go to the mall if I knew he was going to be at the game? He didn't know.
He also left the car at work and carpooled with someone, so he can't just come home.
I'm so stressed and angry and frustrated right now. I don't know when I'm going to be able to go out hunting for this white shirt and still get all the stuff I need to do done. Especially now that I get to spend the rest of the night cleaning the kitchen. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry and not deal with anything anymore. I sure wish I could go through life not caring about the consequences of my actions (or inaction, as the case may be)and sitting at a baseball game while someone else cleaned up after me.
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