And Then There Was One

I knew this day was coming. I've been dreading it for months.

The dog finally got the boy.

It wasn't anyone's fault, really. He was running through the house, as three year olds seem to like to do, and he tripped. This happens quite often. The problem was that this time he landed too close to where the dog was sitting. Since she's pretty much made it known that she is not a fan of him, it's not a big surprise that she didn't appreciate this, and she bit him.

On the face.

If that dog had hit him half an inch higher, or if she were a younger dog with better teeth, I'd probably be typing this after having spent an evening in the emergency room. Fortunately, all he was left with was a blood-blister looking mark under his eye, and a bit of bruising around it. It looks worse in real life than it does in the photo.

I told myself that if the dog bit him, she would be gone. I told myself that there was no room in my house for a dog that bit my child. Then the dog bit him, but I ignored it because it didn't break the skin. It was just a nip, really. He seemed more annoyed by it than anything.

Then she bit him again. Then there was a third time.

Still, I let it slide. She was just nipping him, just giving him a warning. I told myself that if she really hurt him, and left a mark, THAT was the proverbial line in the sand.

And she crossed it.

Tonight I had to take that dog, that dog that was my baby before my baby was my baby, and surrender her to animal control. She got a big red stamp on her paperwork that said BITE DOG. She was led away on a cheap red leash by a volunteer who informed me that BITE DOGS were not put up for adoption to the general public, and I cried.

I failed that dog.

My husband told me that I shouldn't feel bad. The boy is more important than the dog. I rescued that dog from being sent to the pound seven years ago, so she had received seven years of love in our home. I tried to find her a home. I asked everyone I knew if they wanted a dog, or if they knew someone who wanted a dog. I blogged about her. I tweeted. I posted on Facebook. I tried Craigslist. I tried Petfinder. I thought I had found her a home on three different occasions, but each time, it fell through.

I tried, but how do you explain to a dog that you tried?

Tonight, my heart is heavy. I feel so guilty, but I know I did the right thing. The next time, the boy might not have been so lucky. She wasn't going to get better either, not with another child in the house. What if she were to bite the newborn? She's been snappish and territorial since we brought Bubba home from the hospital, so it's been a long time coming.

I just want to smack everyone who self righteously told me I needed to call the Dog Whisperer. Yeah, let me dial up Cesar; I'm sure he has nothing better to do than to come help me with my dog problem. I don't need to pay my other bills; coming up with money for a personal dog trainer is more important, right? To the people who felt the boy was the one who had to be dealt with; always people with no children who chose to ignore the fact that you just don't choose a dog over your child. The people who acted like I was treating my dog as a disposable plaything, who don't realize how much that dog meant to me, and how hard it has been knowing that I had to let her go.

And now to realize that not only did I have to let her go, but I had her sentenced to death. To them I say, don't judge me; you have not walked in my shoes. You don't have to deal with the guilt from this. You didn't have to choose one life over the safety of another.

And I hope you never do.

Twelve of 12 - October 2011

My day was rather ho-hum, but really, most of my days are. Just kickin' back and chillin' with the Bubs.

1. I love the days where he will lie in bed and let me snuggle with him for a while before we get up.

2. My strawberry milkshake breakfast! You just toss a cup of skim milk, ten frozen strawberries, and two scoops of dark chocolate Tera'swhey into the blender. It's awesome.

3. We hung outside in the front yard for a while. I borrowed some dies for the Epic from my friend Susan and cut out paper bats to hang on the patio.

4. Bubba took kitty cat for a spin on the Plasma Car in the driveway.

5. I practiced some chalk art.

6. The Bubs got into it too. He drew that spider all by himself!

7. We came inside for lunch, then we read pretty much every Dr. Seuss book we own. (I own a LOT of them.) Oh, but not The Cat in the Hat. I pretty much refused and told him to bring me something different every time he'd try to get me to read it.

It's so LONG! We've read it SO MANY TIMES too. Don't judge. :)

8. My dog seems to not understand the purpose of the dog bed.

9. While the boy napped, I did this for the first time. I'll tell you - it's hard. I struggled through parts, and I was sweating like a mother you-know-what. That being said, I don't think this is as hard as everyone says it is. Maybe it's just because I was only on week one, but I think that we work WAY harder in Boot Camp.

Also, we just started this thing with our electric company where we're charged a premium for power used from 3-6 pm. That means I have the A/C turned off for those three hours. Guess when the boy had his nap?

I need to do this in the morning when it's still cool, even if the boy is in the way.

10. My iPhone has no flash, so this is a really crappy picture of my late afternoon/early evening art project.

11. After a heavy lunch of quesadillas, and working out in my hot house, I had zero desire to cook dinner. I knew we had to eat though, but the only thing that sounded good was this salad/slaw that I had at a potluck a few weeks ago. I've seriously thought about it ever since! The only problem though was that all that fresh produce was definitely not in my fridge, so I figured I was out of luck.

Well, I looked again, and whaddaya know? While I may not have had the more common ingredients on the list, like peanut butter, I did have the exotic/more spendy ones already. All I really needed besides the peanut butter was a bag of coleslaw mix, a bag of shredded carrots, and some green onions. No sweat! I had two big bowlfuls and still came in under my calories for the day.

12. While we were watching tv, the boy found my 2lb weights and decided he wanted to work on his fitness too. Bubba Beefcake!

And now, I'm ready for bed. :)

Gidget

This is my dog, Gidget.

I've posted photos of her on here before. She is going to be ten years old in February. This dog was my baby before I had a baby. Unfortunately, I happen to have a little problem with Miss Gidget. She's getting older, and as a result, like many people tend to do, she's getting kind of cranky. The problem with this is that all her crankiness is focused upon one person and one person alone:

The boy.

She doesn't like him, which is perfectly understandable. Little dogs (and some bigger dogs) frequently don't care for small children. It wouldn't be an issue except that when he gets too close to her she gets all snarly and snappish with him. She doesn't actually ever bite him; she just puts on a good show. He thinks it's hilarious, of course, so he continues to mess with her. It's become a pretty bad cycle.

Of course, because the other dog is mellow and doesn't really care what he does, he ignores her.

But back to Gidget. She doesn't do this to anyone else. In fact, she's super friendly with pretty much everyone else and loves nothing more than to snuggle up with you on the couch or in bed. Since the boy is usually on the couch with me, and this makes puts her on edge so she snaps at him, she is no longer allowed to be on the couch or bed.

She pretty much spends all day, every day, hiding under the bed from him. It's sad. I mean, who wants to spend their entire existence under a bed?

Adding to the issue is that we're planning on having another baby here (hopefully!) sometime in the next year. If one child in the house is stressing her out this bad, what will two do? I don't want her to get to the point where she finally DOES end up biting someone, because dogs that bite are dogs that get put down. End of story.

Yorkies tend to live 15 - 18 years, so even though she is a bit older, she still has a lot of life left in her. It's not fair to her to be condemned to live out the rest of her days under a bed and totally freaked out about the kid (or kids) hell bent on bugging her. She deserves to be out and part of a family, or at least able to spend time with someone, snuggled on a couch in the evenings.

Then, last week, like an answer to my prayers I read a post on someone's blog that they were trying to find a Yorkie to adopt and I almost cried from happiness. I emailed her and we were all set to go, when at the last minute their landlord changed his mind and decided he didn't want them to have a dog after all. Once again, I wanted to cry, but not out of happiness this time.

I thought a lot about it, and decided that Gidget still needs to go. No matter what. I can't take a chance that she will finally bite the boy one day. As much as I love my dog, I love my boy more. I've truly struggled with this decision, because not only was this dog my baby before I ever had a baby, I honestly believe that pets are a lifelong commitment and if you take one in, you should be prepared to own it until the day it dies. It drives me nuts when I read about people who get pets and get rid of them just as fast, because "they don't have time" for them. The matter of a child's safety, however, is something else entirely. This is not a good situation for either me or the dog at this point.

I've asked a few people if they or anyone they knew wanted a dog, and asked on Twitter and Facebook, but no one responded. I looked up the only Yorkie rescue in my area, and it says on their website that they have over a hundred dogs right now looking for fostering and/or adoption. I didn't even bother contacting them because of that. Then I thought about listing her on Craigslist.

Well, first off, they've pulled the pet category. They also state that you may not list pets in the "Free" category. I checked the terms of service and it does state that while you may not sell pets on Craigslist, you may rehome them with a small adoption fee. That is perfectly okay, so I listed her in the "General" category.

Um yeah. Someone flagged my post and had it pulled. I rechecked the TOS, in case I missed something, but no, I should have been okay, so I relisted. My post wasn't even up ten minutes before it was pulled again! I checked the forums, and apparently ANYONE can flag a post and have it removed. This means that if someone just decides they don't like you or your post, they can eff with you by removing it over and over and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.

So... Craigslist is out.

I don't know what to do at this point. The dog is perfectly healthy, with the exception of needing a teeth cleaning pretty bad. She's housebroken, but needs to have access to a dog door, because if she can't get outside she will pee on the rug. Either that, or you can gate her up in a tiled area when you're not home and at night. She is microchipped and spayed. She is not one to bolt out doors like a puppy would. She weighs 6 1/2 lbs. This is a good dog.

Unless you have a small child.

I don't know where to turn to try to find a home for her now. I figured I'd take a chance and post about her here. Maybe I'll get lucky and someone who had always wanted a Yorkie but couldn't afford the crazy price tag that comes on these little dogs will read this and we'll all have a happy ending. Maybe someone will read this who knows someone who wants a Yorkie. Maybe someone will have another idea of how I can find Gidget a new home.

All I ask is that her new home not have any small children, and won't for the next five years. That means if you just got married and are planning on having babies in the next five years, or if you are very young and might move off to college, or if you have no idea where you might be in five years, that I prefer you pass. I don't want to hand off my problem to become someone else's problem.

Happy Easter!

We've had a full weekend (for us, at least!) and I'm beat!

Yesterday some friends invited us to go to an egg hunt near their house. The only problem was that it was at 10 am and they live 45 minutes from here, all the way across town. I totally thought we would make it, but we ended up missing it by less than five minutes!!! Thankfully the boy isn't old enough to know what was going on so he wasn't upset about it.

He did get to see the Easter Bunny. At first he was excited and ran up, then he stopped short and took a wary step back. He would sit on the bench next to him, but wanted nothing to do with being on his lap. After my friend's daughter sat there though, he decided he could sit on the other side long enough for us to snap a couple of photos.

Later they came over to our side of town to check out Casa de Fehling for the first time. We grilled burgers and hung out. It was nice to have company! The kids played well together, and we let them paint some blown out eggs with acrylic paints.

When it got late enough, we loaded up our cars with snacks and drinks and headed to the drive in theatre. I swear I've driven by that place a million times but always thought it was abandoned. It was actually pretty busy! We watched Rio. They drove their pickup truck and put an air mattress in the back. We brought blankets and pillows and just hung out. It was nice.

We also learned that our child is way too squirrelly still to attempt going to a regular theatre.

This morning we got up and headed out to Mass. Thank goodness for noon services or I swear we'd never make it! Bubba did really well today considering that the service lasted for an hour and a half instead of just the usual hour.

When we got home, we found that the Easter Bunny had left something for the boy.

But hey, wait a minute - there are no eggs in here!

We didn't want to load him up on tons of candy, so all he got were some small chocolate Lindt bunnies and a few of the chocolates that his grandma sent. He also got some little containers of play dough as well as some plastic eggs that had little pull back trains inside. There was Thomas, Percy and James.

That's right, I caved and bought him some of those shifty eyed trains. They're too small to go on his track though, but he doesn't seem to mind.

My husband took the eggs they painted yesterday and hid them around the yard. He needed some help to find them, but he managed to gather them all. Then we sat him down near the pumpkin patch to take his photo.

Gidget wanted to get in on the photo action too.

It was a bit breezy while we were out there. I made him some new bow ties this weekend using this pattern from Etsy. They're so cute and really easy to make.

We hung out for a bit after our little egg hunt and then we all had a nice long nap before dinner. Good day. :)

Twelve of 12 - March 2011

The first thing I see in the morning is the disaster area we like to call Bubba's room.

To make myself feel better, I went out into the back yard to get a shot of all the weeds I've pulled already. See the tall weeds over to the left of the photo, and then again in the back right of the shot. My whole yard was covered in them!

The wildflower seeds we tossed into this pot have begun to sprout.

I began working on some Easter decor by changing out the words on one of my chalkboards.

Breakfast of champions! Amazing Grass chocolate powder pureed with a cup of milk, a banana, and a handful of ice. YUM. My sides are a fish oil pill, a calcium tablet with vitamin d, two cinnamon capsules for my triglycerides, and of course, mah Zoloft.

Someone was a grouchy pill all morning.
The best was to adjust his attitude is to change the background. Time for a road trip! I put on my new kicks. I got them an the Nordstrom shoe clearance. They didn't have my size in store, but they were able to find a pair in Colorado and shipped them to me for free. I like how they're comfortable but classic and not sloppy looking at all.

We hit a couple of Goodwills while we were out. We found another Ralph Lauren polo for the boy, two more bowls for my china set, a large wooden bowl that I loved, a vintage cookbook, a Junior League cookbook for the San Francisco area, A Clockwork Orange, and Crime and Punishment.
After that, we headed to Ikea. We got another tall bookshelf for the boy's room and some more hangers for his shirts. They have miniature wooden ones there that totally match the ones in our closets.

After we got our bookshelf home, we headed out to Lowes. I found a lampshade for my milkglass Goodwill lamp at the entry which I plan to cover in fabric. We also picked up several bags of compost to mix into the herb garden bed. I finally bought a peppermint plant. I had the hardest time finding a plant or seeds! I'll be keeping that one in a pot because I know better. Lowes had seed packets Buy One Get One Free. I picked up some tomato seeds and a little greenhouse kit so we'll see how that goes. I also got some oregano and thyme to plant in terra cotta pots. In the raised bed we'll have the tomatoes, carrots, zucchini, and onions. Finally, in another section of the curbed edge we're planting pumpkins. How much fun will that be come fall?

We made Chicken and Leek Stroganoff in the green baby for dinner. SO GOOD.

Leila relaxed under the side table. She was pretty much done for the night!

Actually, so am I.

Not Tired

Tonight my husband tucked the boy into bed. I went in and gave my son a kiss and hug goodnight, then I turned off the lamp and closed the door on my way out of the room.

Well, an hour later the dog needed attention (I don't go outside at night, too scary) so I went in to roust my husband. I was surprised to find both him and the baby still awake. He told me that right after I had closed the door he heard Bubba slide out of bed, walk over to the table with the lamp, and then click! It was on again.

Little booger.

I ended up laying down with him while my husband attended to the dogs. He would lay his face right up against mine. I'm talking squashing his features into my face! I'd scoot my head back a bit, and he would just move his face forward some more until he was squished up against me again. This continued until he had scooted me all the way across my pillow and I was in danger of falling off the bed.

It's so strange the little things that he will do to soothe himself. There have been a few nights where he wouldn't settle unless I let him have his finger in my mouth, tapping my teeth. He also will stroke my pillowcase (it's satin so I don't get wrinkly in my sleep!) and sleep horizontally, using a pillow as a blanket.

I hear people ask all the time, WHY are you letting that boy sleep in your bed??? It's funny because I never ever thought I'd be a co-sleeper. In fact, that baby ONLY slept in his crib or on the floor (with an occasional stint at my side on the couch in the Boppy) until he was ten months old. I was so paranoid about SIDS that I was playing every odd I came across. Having a fan in the room decreases the odds? I had two. Crib bumpers increases them? I didn't even consider buying one. Pacifiers decrease them? Bring on the binkies! Bucked teeth be damned! And of course, there was co-sleeping. Since that was in the "increases the odds" category, it was just not going to happen. Not on my watch.

That doesn't mean I didn't think about it. Oh man, there were nights when I would just lay in bed and stare at that crib and want nothing more than to pull my boy out and bring him to bed with me so we could have a good snuggle. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I've always slept with my dogs, so having a little organic space heater next to me was pretty much second nature. Maybe it was that new mother instinct. Whatever it was, it was strong, but I resisted it.

Then when he was about ten or eleven months, I discovered that if I took him out of the crib when he woke up in the morning and immediately put him in bed with me that he would go back to sleep and sleep TWO MORE HOURS. Easily. Sometimes three.

Hallelujah, people. I am so not a morning person. I was always very careful though, taking all the pillows (including mine) off the bed and having him slightly higher than my head so I wouldn't accidentally cover him with the blanket.

Well, somehow he started waking up earlier, so he was spending more hours in the mornings with us in bed. Then he started to not want to go to bed at all, so we would put him to sleep in our bed and then transfer him to the crib. Then sometimes whoever was putting him to sleep *cough*husband*cough* would fall asleep too (the boy is DANGEROUSLY snuggly!) and he would end up being in our bed all night long.

Next thing you know, he's celebrating his first birthday and we've got a family bed. Huh. I wasn't terribly worried about it anymore at this point, because he could roll over and crawl and all that good stuff that drastically reduced any chances of him being smothered in his sleep.

I'm not going to lie to you. I love love love sleeping with this baby. I love rolling over and being inches away from his angelic little sleepy face. I love hearing those whispery baby snores up close. I love when he rolls over and snuggles up against me. I especially love when he lays with his back against me so that our spines are lined up together. And best of all, I love waking up to his smiling face in the morning.

Like I said before, I am not a morning person at all. I hate waking up. I hate that groggy, stupid feeling I have as my brain feebly attempts to adjust to the morning. If there is something that can make this better, I'm all for it. Right now, that would be waking up to a little man who wakes up alert and chattery and happy and demands my phone almost first thing. I hug him, and we have a snuggle, some kisses, maybe a little tickle session or two before starting our morning routine of a visit to the potty before breakfast. He makes what's usually a really hard and crappy transition period for me be a little more joyful and who can't use a little more joy in their lives, am I right?

Yeah, I know it's going to suck when he has to start going to bed at a "normal" hour. And it's going to suck when he has to start sleeping on his own, in a room separate from ours. Here's the thing about that though - that will happen when it happens. I have not been one of those "I can't wait" moms up to this point and I surely don't plan on starting now. I want to enjoy every moment of this boy without lamenting about how much better things will be once he can do X or hits milestone Y.

Yes I know he will have to start going to bed early once he gets to school, but school is still three years out from now, maybe more, so why worry about that now? Let him sleep in and stay up late and get to spend time with his father. Yes I know eventually he will be too big for our bed, and let's be honest, we're going to want our privacy back too. But for right now, neither of us minds him being there so why worry? I've had him sleep on his own a few times since we started co-sleeping, and I think it was harder for me than it was for him. I missed my baby at my side.

Y'all can talk to me about it when he's six and still in my bed! I promise though, he won't be. :)

Photo Hunt Challenge - June

I've been watching Sam do these photo hunt challenges on her blog for a while and I thought they looked like fun. At first I was thinking I couldn't really do them justice because I don't have a "nice" camera. Then I decided, what the heck, if I'm going to be all ghetto about it, I'll just use my iPhone and be ghetto in style, y'all. I even ran my pics through the Shake It Photo app (like the ubiquitous Hipstamatic but only a buck!) to make them more ghetto fabulous!

I actually was going to do the challenge before this one, but I started too late and didn't have time to get all my photos. This time I was more successful.

Hilarious Out-takes

I don't know how hilarious this is, or if it's even the right sort of thing. We were playing around with this bandanna and the baby was wearing it all Tupac/Thug Life style on his head. He took it off and dropped it on his Sleep Sheep's head which was pretty funny to me. Sheep is the Anti-Hardcore Gangsta.

A Creative Crop

Another one that I'm not sure I did right. This was the very last photo I took, and I took it today. You can't win them all!

Sun Flare

I had to Google how to take a photo of sun flare because I have spent my entire life trying to avoid it. How stupid is that?

Sweet Dreams

My boy, passed out asleep on the floor. That black thing by his hand would be my pillowcase. He likes to pull it off my pillow and carry it around.

Work

My work, as you know, is that of a mom and wife. I think having a full jar of freshly baked cookies in my kitchen is a good symbol of what I'm trying to do here.

Play

I took the boy to the splash pad at a local mall. He refused to let go of his toy trucks the entire time.

Cookout/Picnic

This is the chicken from the marinade recipe that I posted the other day. Now you know why I made it!

Transportation

This was the boy's first time getting to ride in one of these carts, and he LOVED it. I don't think he's ever been so entertained at the grocery store before. The fact that the steering wheels had squeaky horns only made it so much better.

Money/Currency

Bubba's College Fund. I got this old glass water cooler bottle from my mother, and this is how we jokingly refer to it. The boy contributed the Starbucks straw. :) If you give him change, he knows to go put it in the jar.

A Fountain

The fountain in the courtyard at church, with a statue of St. Francis in the background. People look at you funny when you start climbing the fountain in a dress to snap pics from above!

A Night Scene

The boy likes to sit on his bed with all of his plush friends and look at books in his jammies. If you look in the lower right hand corner, you can see that Gidget decided to join him this evening, but was going a bit incognito.

Black & White with Selective Coloring

This was the only photo that I did not take with my phone, because I had no way to edit it this way. I did send it to myself to make it into a Polaroid though so it would fit with my theme. I bought these flowers as part of a bouquet for my husband on Father's Day. They're in an antique blue canning jar next to my kitchen sink. That pop of bright red there makes me really happy.

Something Old

My husband dresses like a hobo. What can I say? He wears his clothes and shoes into the ground and doesn't see why this is a problem. Ugh.

Something New

Cotton Training Pants! I picked up a few pair of these to try out. Um, so not successful. You really have to commit to being on top of that ALL DAY!

Something Borrowed

Borrowed time. Get it?

Something Blue

He was mad at me for something or other. Probably because I wouldn't let him have a cookie.

Something Musical

I picked up this mini guitar at a thrift shop last fall when we had grand plans of dressing the boy as a grunge rocker for Halloween. At the last minute I decided that was lame and we went with the super cute bear costume instead. So, now we have this little guitar with no strings. I plan to have it strung and just let him play with it. Maybe he'll be the next John Mayer? Hmm...

Something Purple

He's wearing his dad's University of Washington hat and a purple shirt that his grandma bought him. I seriously think this may be all the purple in my house. It's not one of my favorite colors.

Something Yellow

My weakness - yellow cake from a box with chocolate frosting from a tub. So gross, but so, so good.

Something Scenic

A highway shot somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I love the gradation of color in this and the placement of the clouds. So pretty.

There you go! My Ghetto Fabulous Fake Polaroids From a Camera Phone edition of the photo hunt challenge! :)